I've struggled with romantic relationships, several times over.

Whenever I thought I had it right, I was so wrong.

My last relationship didn't end so well and for a long time I held onto many of the thought patterns that I had created from it.

It was stuff I made mean something about me, who I am and most problematically, how I thought I was a bad person.

There are "scars" that stick with me today from that experience.

Each one of them taught me something fundamental about myself.

But it is vital to realise that these "scars", these past traumas, are there to serve as an opportunity.

The opportunity is that of a teaching. A lesson.

The lesson to take is always the same:

What will I choose to do differently next time?

This simple shift changes your mindset, because it reinforces a more positive, growth-orientated and forward-thinking approach to difficult situations.

There are going to be moments when your past comes to light in your present through "triggers", especially in something tricky like a relationship.

But recognise them as opportunities to grow into a new, better and refined person - who chooses to overcome the challenge rather than be beat down by it.

Your past is probably adversely affecting your life as it is right now.

Which means that it's also likely going to be defining your future.

Don't let your future be defined by your past.

It can take a lot of strength and willpower, but you must choose to see the forward opportunity in each moment.

Be accepting of yourself. We're not perfect, neither are they. We're all just trying to do our best.

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