Since everybody needs a break from everything I shall offer up a story of DaveinTexas today. Let's begin. Are you ready?

This morning my work responsibilities took a turn for the worse

I am the preznit of a tech company and most of the people who work here are younger than me. Adjusting to coming back to the office. It's hard on them but we've been bearing up

They are bearing up. We have a temp testing station at the entrance. Peoples check and sign. I sign off on it every day

So doing our part to help them feel ok about coming back.. distancing, sanitizing, a few of em wear masks. I understand

Anyway around eleven or so I need to take a leak after 3 cups of coffee and 8 oz. of Diet Mt. Dew

I'm old. This happens

So I step into our pristinely remodeled men's room to do the thing

We have 2 stalls, 2 urinals.

I notice feets in the small stall, door open on the big ADA stall

Don't give me the stink eye, you look too

This is, unusual

So, curious me, I check out the toilet in the ADA stall thinking "do I need to replenish TP?" Again, you wear a lot of hats when you are the old man in charge

I peer into the ADA bowl.

I don't know how to say this delicately, there is a giant dark brown cloud in the basin. I am disappointed thinking "oh, a forgetful flusher"

but no, I flushed, and

It is revealed to me that there is a turd bigger than my foot that is stuck and will not flush. Someone has shat a giant wharf rat

Well, I recoiled in horror as if I had found a severed head, but I regained my composure and recalled I have a responsibility here to the men who work here

What to do, what to do

Well Dave, I say to myself, well Dave you have a key to the janitorial closet

This doesn't make me not dread the responsibility I have

SO I go to my desk and retrieve the key, open the closet and search for tools to remedy the situ

There's a squeegee, some brooms and mops.. these things would require burning after use

There are gloves and I put em on

Cause. Gloves.

And my little eye spies a plastic knife on the shelf

Surgery is the answer

I re-enter this EPA disaster zone, hold my breath and incise the offending thing down the middle. Having successfully achieved floatage, I flush

SUCCESS!

I have been a good boss. Scalpel was rinsed and scrubbed in soap and tossed with the gloves. People could poop all afternoon as needed

I think while I was washing my hands up to my elbows I hummed Happy Birthday 5 time

I am the president of a company. This is what I do /fin