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TW: Rape, Sexual Assault
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Hey guys! Let’s talk about this
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Take a second to imagine the scenario (not in detail) of a sexual assault or rape encounter. Got it in your head? What does it look like to you?
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Hey guys! Let’s talk about this
Take a second to imagine the scenario (not in detail) of a sexual assault or rape encounter. Got it in your head? What does it look like to you?
Raise your hand if you imagined a woman being snatched off the street by someone she doesn’t know, late at night, in an alley. Raise your hand if you imagined something different, but basically following this premise.
Put your hands down. Obviously I can not see everyone who raised their hands, but based on what I know statistically, I’m sure a lot of you reading this had that idea of rape/sexual assault as your baseline scenario.
What if I told you that the vast majority of rape/sexual assault didn’t actually happen that way? What if I told you that the vast majority of cases happen between people who know each other, in places that are familiar/comfortable to them?
Would you believe me? Well, it’s the truth. But you don’t hear about those cases in the media that often. Why is that? Well, to begin with, the majority of those cases are never reported. Often, the victim is fearful that they don’t have enough evidence to start a case.
Here’s an example. You and your partner (we’ll call the partner “he” in this scenario) have been dating for a year now. You’re head over heels for him. But you get uncomfortable being intimate with him. You start to scan your brain as to why.
You start to piece it together. He doesn’t listen to you when you say you’re uncomfortable trying something new. He guilts you into having sex because you haven’t had it in x amount of time. He deliberately disobeys your wishes thinking you might have changed your mind.
You’ve told him time and time again that you feel your trust was violated when he went forward with that act. He acts like you’re being ridiculous and depriving him of his manlihood.
You don’t really know what to think. You love your partner, right? Well, all of this is a form of manipulation and sexual assault! Maybe you finally come to realize this. Now what? Are you going to open an assault case against your current or ex boyfriend?
Probably not. Because you feel like it won’t get anywhere. When you tell your friends what happened they say “I can’t believe that. He wouldn’t do that. He’s such a nice guy. He would never. He’s so sweet” etc.
Do you understand how this is just as serious as the “snatched from an alley” scenario? In this example, this is repeated, sexual assault and manipulation, that is then paired with none of your friends believing you.
This is why people don’t report cases like this! They feel unheard, unsuccessful, and the partner would surely deny it, because he didn’t see anything wrong with it in the first place. Being the guy’s (ex) partner, just makes the whole thing too complicated.
All the times you consensually had sex with your partner would surely be used against you. People would make up ridiculous rumors like “so-and-so is just angry that they broke up. That’s why she’s crying “sexual assault”.
This all might seem outlandish to you reading this, but I personally know multiple cases of this happening to people I either know very personally or that I am acquainted with. This happens. Far. Too. Often.
So how do we fix this. Believe victims who step forward. Don’t remain in disbelief that “that person would do that” solely because it makes you uncomfortable. Be uncomfortable. Be furious. You should be.
Make this fact be known. Educate your family and friends on the fact that most rapes and sexual assaults happen between people who know each other. Make it so victims feel safe to speak to you or someone else about their experience. And make sure you punish the rapist/assaulter.
