There's a lot of bigotry happening in the world right now.

There are a lot of conversations happening and bigoted beliefs are being shown.

It's tempting to block or cut off people who show bigoted views.

Here's why I think we shouldn't:

When you block someone, you feel powerful, like you've "proven" your disagreement.

But for the person being blocked... especially if they don't immediately notice that you blocked them?

You blocking them can actually function as a silent ACCEPTANCE of their bigoted beliefs.

Blocking is kind of like saying:

"I don't wanna deal with your bigotry so....
just go away, and do it.... over there,
so I can ignore it."

The problem is, there is no "over there".

"Over there", they'll just hurt someone.

Now- sometimes you have to block someone.

If their bigotry is directed at YOU.
If they threaten your personal safety.
Our first task in life is to keep ourselves safe.

But...

What if their bigotry isn't directed at you?
In that case, you're not unsafe.
You're just annoyed.

In that situation-

When you see someone being bigoted, in a way that does not threaten your personal safety?

I would encourage you to SAY SOMETHING.

Speaking out against bigotry can be hard at first.

Others might disagree with you, and we're pack animals who have evolved to get along, so that doesn't feel good.

It feels uncomfortable.

But... it's not actually * harmful *

It's just ... uncomfortable.

I will gently suggest that

If you want to think of yourself as a truly good person,

You may sometimes need to do things

that feel

uncomfortable.

Ok so.... you wanna say something.

Now it's likely that this person with will NOT back down on their bigotry. Not today, anyway.

They'll feel uncomfortable too... so they'll get defensive, maybe even rude or mean.

And they will likely seem to "double down" on their bigotry.

If your goal was to

CHANGE THEIR BIGOTED OPINION 100%, TODAY!

....well, it's likely not gonna happen.

Realistically, that's just not human nature.

My suggestion is that we make a more realistic goal:

CHANGE EVERY BIGOT'S MIND BY JUST 1%.

You can do that.
Just put a teeeny chip into their logic.
Plant a small seed of doubt about those views.

What if:

each time someone made a bigoted statement,
a brave person spoke up,
& chipped their worldview by just 1%.

It would add up!

You're skeptical, right?

But I can prove it works.

Years ago, I promised myself that I would never again be silent in the face of bigotry. It's just not who I wanna be.

So- every single time I hear/read a bigoted statement, I speak up.

People get angry and defensive.

But then, months or even years after I speak up about bigoted behaviour?

Often:
The other person eventually learns better.
And they change their mind.

AND THEY COME BACK AND TELL ME.

I have an entire FOLDER of these messages:

"Years ago, [we disagreed about racism] and I wrote a bunch of condescending shit saying you were wrong...

What you wrote has definitely informed my views.

That was an incredibly helpful, transformative moment in my thinking.

You helped me gain a lot of empathy."

"I just wanted to follow up on our conversation from… Damn… 2 1/2 years ago?!

I truly regret my defensive response to your comments.

I really wish I had behaved differently and bypassed taking the comment personally.

That lesson has stuck with me and deepened with time."

"Hey I haven't said [homophobic slur] in months man...

I feel like a d*ick.

OK no more hate words.

Promise."

These messages all came from male friends I called out on FB for what I saw as problematic opinions around race or sexuality.

Huge arguments ensued, in some cases dozens of comments long.

They were very uncomfortable interactions.

But look! They mattered!

They made change!

Even if you think YOUR bigot is unchangeable

(and for the record, I disagree: erosion affects all things)

But ok, even if THAT PERSON can't be changed, there's still value in speaking up.

Because others are listening & reading, too.

And your words are changing the culture.

That person spouting bigoted ideas often has silent witnesses:

- a friend who's never thought about why certain ideas could be harmful.

- a parent with "old fashioned opinions".

- a teen nephew struggling with his sexuality.

And bystanders really benefit from reading along!

So, my plea- from a heart that's hurting with the bigoted violence I see in our world-

Speak up bravely.

Power through your discomfort.

Try to change bigoted views by just 1%.

Try to give education & hope to bystanders witnessing the interaction.

You can make change!

One percent at a time, we can make this world better.

Thanks for reading!