Well I sincerely hope that Myka Stauffer's online career is over

As an adopted disabled person this just hits too close to home

I am not qualified to talk about the racist aspects of this case other than to really highlight that race is very significant to this case.

Please listen to transracial and transnational adoptees right now, they can add so much context to this horrific situation

My parents adopted me at birth, they took me home from the hospital before the adoption had even officially gone through

They did not know I was disabled going into it

While I was not "rehomed", my disabilities as they became apparent created a lot of tension in the family

My parents decided early that I was not going to be accommodated

The official reasoning behind this was "it was for my own good"

I was expected to just grow out of brain damage

as that is impossible, I constantly failed to live up to their expectations and this, in turn, resulted in abuse and neglect

I was refused necessary assistance with day to day activities that were impacted by my lack of dexterity like doing up zippers and tying shoes

Even when I finally learned how to do these things for myself. I never did them well enough.

I was berated on an almost daily basis because it took me longer to do things

The fact that I was physically disabled was further complicated by the fact that I was autistic an as yet undiagnosed

My inability to respond to situations as expected led to more abuse

My father harassed me to the point of tears on a daily basis because

"he was just kidding"

and I needed to learn to appreciate his humour

This behaviour was so prevalent and normalized that the entire family participated in it

My emotions were always deemed inappropriate

My reactions to being harassed were also penalized

If I cried or shrieked after being harassed by anyone. My behaviour was the problem

"well they would stop treating you like that if you stopped reacting the way you do" was a common rebuke

I am currently estranged from all surviving members of my immediate family and while the reasons for that are complex

it mostly boils down to the fact that I have always been expected to go above and beyond to not in any way inconvenience them

This last year has been particularly difficult. I experienced a severe mental health crisis which resulted in my spending 8 days in the psych ward

even this was treated as an inconvenience on my family

because I am perceived as the sole creator of Dischord my family does not reach out. They are waiting for me to apologize for circumstances beyond my control

They do not attempt to empathize or understand the complexities and barriers I routinely face

They expect me to somehow overcome them or to just let everything go

and I can't do that

There is a special kind of fucked up in the expectation that a disabled person never require assistance and that genuine expressions of need are treated as attacks on those being asked to provide that help

I suspect that many disabled people live in similar circumstances whether they were adopted or not

It is also necessary to point out that while you are living in that hell, you are told that this is your fault and that you deserve to be treated this way

So despite all the abuse that I suffered through one of the most hurtful and effectively cruel things said to me were times when someone said that they wished I had never been adopted

When my father's psychological abuse turned physical he screamed "I can send you back where you came from"

I think that hurt more than the actual assault that left bruises

I hope that Huxley has in fact found a better and permanent home but he will always have to live with the reality that he wasn't enough and that he was abandoned by a family with whom he had lived for years

What will that do to him?

What does it say to his 4 former siblings that he the disabled transracial adoptee was disposable?

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