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I have been thinking a lot about intention and harm and tone and confusion in conversation, and the way I approach those things as an Autistic person vs. the way a lot of Allistic folks seem to approach them. Here is some general advice I think may not be universally obvious: (1/
When someone says that you dismissed or snapped at or condescended to them, or anything along those lines, and you are certain that you didn& #39;t, the take-away isn& #39;t that you are right and they are wrong, or vice versa. It& #39;s that your intentions and impact didn& #39;t match up. (2/)
This is something I experience fairly frequently, from both sides: both interpreting other people& #39;s language (verbal or otherwise) differently than intended, and having other people misinterpret mine.
And hearing that is frustrating, but it& #39;s also USEFUL. (3/)
And hearing that is frustrating, but it& #39;s also USEFUL. (3/)
While you can make a general guess based on experience or empathy, you cannot ultimately predict how a person is going to react to what you say or how you say it. Maybe some people; but not everyone. And having the opportunity to understand and course correct? that& #39;s a GIFT. (4/)
I think this is something people tend to struggle with on platforms like this if they& #39;re not used to writing for a large audience. If you& #39;re used to talking to people you& #39;re used to, who are used to how you talk, it can be really disorienting, and that makes people defensive. (5/
And often the difference between misspeaking and being misunderstood is one of perspective. But it& #39;s still good to know how other people experience and interpret your words, especially people who have less institutional power than you. And when they express hurt-- (6/)
--the right thing to do is *believe them,* try to understand, and learn other ways to communicate that better line up with what you want to convey. Because that& #39;s the *whole point,* of writing or talking, right? (7/7)
