why am I here on twitter? why do I bother talking with people who don't want to talk about race? honestly the goal for this alt/project is to recognize that it is honestly about me. in others who deny their self I see my younger self, and I want to help, maybe. but that's folly

or perhaps it's the inverse. perhaps it's about gleefully diving into the fire of rage and anger, actually wanting to invite people into the center of the discussion to say "hey, do you want to look at racism upfront? want to actually talk about how your ideas were formed?"

there's a particular kind of slippery argument that I don't know how to address. it's the "both sides", "sure yeah but isn't X bad too". fundamentally it is about empathy, and I know that doesn't quite work very well over words, when what is at stake is bodies and care

I want to say: aren't you angry??? don't you see? what if your friend, father, brother, uncle, lover was shot dead on the street? what if this happened to everyone you know? for 400 years! wouldn't you be angry?

maybe I am also saying to myself (and to other asian people): be more angry! what have you gained by playing white adjacency? what worked for you by trying to be neutral, or objective, or pretending that you could be white? what worked for you by denying your emotions?

what does this mean for a place that wishes to deny, deny? I don't know. I think this will be the ultimate challenge: of how we will invite each other into and through denial -- denial that looks like "logic", versus reckoning that looks like anger.

working through denial can feel so *good*, though, which is why it's so confusing. the catharsis of accepting and working through this all; I want to invite others to it. without guilt, but with the same kind of curiosity done through shadow work. https://twitter.com/desirepaths_/status/1265829239611363330

or: talking about race *is* shadow work.. https://twitter.com/desirepaths_/status/1265818623089803264