Honestly, one of the most difficult parts of transitioning was undoing how many years of negative conditioning of LGBT = bad and that I wasn't allowed to have cute or "girly" things because of the sex I was assigned at birth.

I grew up with parents that come from conservative families and are quite conservative themselves. I remember both my parents making negative comments when anything LGBT came up, whether in the news or a movie or something. The region I grew up in was no different.

They were similar when it came to gender roles, but were a lot more lenient in that regard. That being said, I never dared to do or wear anything considered "girly" because I was afraid of harassment from my dad. Believe it or not, I was actually super shy and quiet as a child.

I wasn't the stereotypical case of wanting to play with Barbie dolls or anything like that. For me, it was more about clothes.

When no one was around, I would sneak into my sister's room and try on her clothes. I made sure to memorize how everything was folded so I could fold it back up and put it back without anyone ever knowing.

I hate to say it, but I became a product of my environment. Starting in high school, I became a reflection of my parents. I was openly homophobic and would make derogatory comments, all while holding this secret inside of me, terrified of anyone finding out.

It wasn't until I escaped that region I lived in and started getting exposed to different kinds of people that this started to change, VERY slowly.

Being away from my parents and having money of my own to buy stuff with helped A TON. I started buying jeggings for myself, as they look just like jeans and nobody would ever know. I still only have jeggings, no actual jeans.

It took SO long for me to be able to "get" feminine clothing and not feel shame or fear. I eventually bought some skirts, leggings, and dresses and would wear them in my room when no one else was around.

I think stuff didn't start to change until gained the ability to think for myself, where I was able to develop my own opinions instead of just going off of my parents.

That being said, it took FOREVER for me to break the conditioning of LGBT = bad. I don't think I completely broke that mindset until just a few years ago.

I've changed SO MUCH in just the past decade. Some of the most valuable things I've learned is to think for myself and to be fearlessly proud of who you are.

Another thing I struggled with for the longest time was having self-confidence. I really didn't have much self-confidence back in K-12, which I'm pretty sure is tied to the stuff I was talking about earlier. Having self-confidence gave me the ability to stand up for myself.

Unfortunately, my parents didn't see it that way. For the longest time, they saw this and they translated it into being narcissistic, conceited, and disrespect towards them, all because I would defend myself and think for myself instead of parroting their beliefs.

I know I've said this once already, but I've changed SO MUCH in the past 10 years. For anyone that knew me back then: I'm so sorry. I am trying so hard to not be that person, and I'd like to think I'm doing a pretty good job so far.

I admit I do have a bit of an ego problem at times. I'm still working on finding that line between having pride in yourself and your abilities, and being arrogant and narcissistic.

Ah, I remember what it was my mom would always say to me! According to her, I was "selfish and arrogant" because I would stand up for myself. But they didn't see it that way.

Alright, this thread's gone on for long enough. I need to start getting ready for work. I was going to work on school stuff for my summer class today, but that never happened. That's kinda bad, because stuff is due tomorrow and I have to do a LOT of reading.