A white man once asked me my thoughts on the most recent killing of an innocent black man, at that time it was another man's name dwindled down to hashtag. I told him I was tired and he didn't have the right to ask my thoughts.

He was taken aback, rightfully so until I explained to him that I didn't have the privilege of tapping in and out of this conversation. Of using it as think piece, or icebreaker, or evidence of my liberalism.

I LIVED this life. I cried with the families. I saw my brother, my father, my lover in every hashtag and viral video. I never have the chance to merely keep scrolling because it is REAL to me. I cried while talking, I didn't mean to.

God forbid, me or anyone I love ever has their innocent lives taken from them by the hands of law enforcement. Don't share our videos. Don't repeatedly traumatize my loved ones by asking them to witness my murder.

And I get it, people will always say "They have to see it" but "THEY" DO NOT CARE ABOUT US, OR OUR PAIN, OR OUR SUFFERING. And if we want to call me a cynic and convince me otherwise, tell me if the lost of a job is equivalent to the loss of a life.

Tell me if the viral video of my loved ones death made them convict their murderer. Tell me if laws have changed as the hashtags have become insurmountable. Tell me my fear of the police is irrational. Tell me this grief I carry with me isn't real.