Read on Twitter
I used to use social media as a last resort when certain ideation got severe, because if I was willing to embarrass myself by asking for love/support from thousands of strangers, I could be guaranteed a day full of small reassertions that my existence was a plus.
But people have too much on their minds now. I get it. There are a lot of bigger things in this world than whether one person feels like she has a place in it. Truth is, I don& #39;t, really. I& #39;ve made myself irrelevant. The world needs a lot of stuff, and I don& #39;t have any of it.
The world needs courage. The world needs educated people. The world needs strength, selflessness. It apparently needs rage that motivates rather than debilitates, and I& #39;ve never mastered that. The world needs people who are sensitive to others but tough about their own pain.
This isn& #39;t some dramatic final goodbye note or anything. An exit isn& #39;t an option for a woman with two kids who aren& #39;t (yet) screwed up beyond repair. It& #39;s just a relapse of my compulsion for public confession.
I& #39;ve never gotten the hang of existing outside of people& #39;s perceptions of me. Therapy has calmed a lot of the external BPD symptoms that wrecked my life, but inside? What little self-concept I ever managed to achieve, I lost when I stopped writing. But I still can& #39;t write.
Everything I see on social media reinforces the idea that what the world needs is people who are the opposite of me in nearly every way. I& #39;m constantly, achingly aware of the financial/emotional resources I consume. Even this thread takes a toll on already-stressed people.
