I recently told someone that shaming/dragging the perpetrator of gender-based violence is a digital version of carceral feminism. This interview does a beautiful job articulating what we need to do moving forward to create a victim-centric space for healing & sharing our traumas https://twitter.com/saumyadadoo/status/1265934537944514560

There is this beautiful Angela Davis quote that basically helped me understand how creating violent structures for power (like carceral justice in courts or the digital version of shaming perpetrators w/o focusing on survivors) doesn't help in fighting violent structures

I have always said that if you use the movement to gain power we can only go so far b/c feminism is about dismantling power altogether. As Saumya says in the article: "feminists are people who care about everyone’s human rights, & about dismantling all structures of power"

Off-topic but not really – "empowerment" feminism is ineffective. Women participating power-driven structures is not a victory or the solution. The power-driven structures need to be overhauled entirely. https://theconversation.com/empowerment-feminism-is-not-working-we-need-a-far-more-radical-approach-to-gender-equality-74978

When I DMed this one person to share my story with her, she made it about her platform (which she has used in the past to drag several abusive/predatory men) and how she needs to be responsible with what she posts. I never asked her to post on my behalf.

I haven't asked anyone to post on my behalf. It is my story that I get to tell if/when/how I please and all others can do is show me solidarity. But we don't know how to show solidarity.

I tell her it's up to her to show me solidarity if she wants and I am just speaking to her out of courtesy because of her relationship with my abuser. But for her, it was never about me or my trauma. Unsurprising that she then went on to discredit me.

It hasn't been just her. The overarching reaction by most of those I have spoken to has been to make it about themselves/"protecting" those who have wronged me from god knows what (accountability?)/use my moment of vulnerability to wield the power they have over me/gain clout

This lack of empathy is why we don't have social or legal structures in place to deliver justice and build a world free from sexual violence. The lack of empathy is why speaking up is a whole traumatic punishment in itself. And this needs to change.

"The kind of support & affirmation we as women can offer to each other in responding to gender-based violence—that as a focus is far more important..."

Dismissal of my truth, silence from others in the community has added to my trauma, so has anyone else shaming my abuser.

"... I think it’s also important to realise while the #MeToo movement was born out of the failures of the criminal justice system, cancel culture does play on our existing punitive culture"

Me Too wasn't supposed to be about "cancelling" perpetrators.

Due to our inability to understand how to respond to stories of sexual violence we ended up replicating the carceral justice format online. It is not our place to tell survivors how/when to speak up. But we need to change how we respond when they do. And we can do it.

When someone speaks up about the violence they face, it is to be recognised. It is for their trauma to be validated.

"I think the #MeToo movement was beautiful b/c it gave space to survivors & people who had been silenced for so long to speak up & really own their narrative."

What we need to do is listen to survivors, honour their trauma and truth and use that to find a way to dismantle systems that perpetuate gender-based violence. The focus needs to be on the survivor and the survivor's needs first and always. It should have always been that way.

The angle of justice aside, there is also immense healing power in that kind of focus because any kind of abuse takes away the autonomy and humanity of those being subjected to it and simply being believed and acknowledged can do remarkable things for the survivor & their trauma.

"It prevents repeat offences, reduces the costs on the system, and also has therapeutic advantages. For a lot of victims of serious crimes, when they participate in restorative justice, they have lesser occurrences of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)."

Basically, we need to remember one thing each time someone speaks up: we need to centre the survivor and their needs around any action/conversation that may result. Always. That is what radical solidarity means.

"And one of the key things that any survivor needs is some sort of acknowledgement, affirmation and validation of the harm that they’ve faced, which they are unable to find under the current system alone."

Which is why Me Too was created & we need to revisit the movement's roots

Whenever the few rock-solid pillars of support I have ask me what I need, I always say: To be free from this. To heal. To be told that awful things were done to me and that we are going to work towards a safer world so we don't have to live in fear of it happening again.

I have said it before, and I will say it again –– we need to learn how to take care of stories better. We need a survivor-centric approach as a response to gender-based violence (all violence really). Whether it is online, or in the criminal justice system.

And it won't work unless done collectively. Neoliberal and carceral feminism is not taking us closer to a world free of sexual violence. And we need to collectively recognise that and change what we are doing now. Quoting Angela Davis yet again: