I'm increasingly convinced that there is no algorithm suggesting 'Topics to Follow' on Twitter, but just one intern wildly out of his depth.

Thread.

He said he'd developed an algorithm in the interview because, well, how hard can it be, and he wasn't gonna get it anyway, so why worry?

He's now having to do the job by hand.

Sometimes he goes very general, hoping for a bite.

'Do you like films?' is genuinely a question I got asked, after a 30 second silence, on a date.

Sometimes he takes a wild, scattergun approach.

'Do you like German football? No? Then how about Dolly Parton? OK, back to sports teams, but this time in America?'

Sometimes he'll mix the general with the, sometimes frighteningly, specific.

Who is Laura Woods?

There's a chance it's either Richard Branson or a famous chef.

And then sometimes the options he presents me with are a harrowing example of the person I should be, at my age. A parent with investments, who bets on American sports once a month and has some vague desire to, occasionally, be entertained.

Basically, I don't know who this guy is, but he deserves a raise or to be fired, I'm not sure which.