I’ve gotten a lot of texts from folks who love me and they may be surprised but I’m genuinely doing alright.

I feel like I’ve unlocked more clarity about what radical self-care looks like as a Black person who works for justice. Sharing *developing* thoughts if they are helpful:

1. I did not subject myself to those videos. Not Amy. Not George. I will not. It doesn’t mean I’ll never watch one again-and there will be more.

But I talked to God and He told me to preserve my peace and *eye* don’t need to witness oppression to understand its destruction today

2. I did consume pictures and video of a living, vibrant Geogre Floyd and a vibrant, interesting Christian Cooper.

I chose to be proximate to their value as human beings and not the moments of their dehumanization.

It allowed me to work in purpose, not in rage*.

2.1 *Black rage, pain, sadness-it’s all justified. Do not come here seeking comfort from a “different” Black. I’m not it.

Many psychologists identify that generations of oppression have placed Black rage right under the surface.

We contain multitudes & we *will* be fully human.

2.2

I’m simply learning to acknowledge & give voice to my rage in order to let it breathe, so it can be converted to energy instead of perverted into self-destruction.

Wheb I convert it to energy, it gives me room and permission to seek and experience Black joy as a salve.

3. The salve for me in the last few days is recognizing what a FLEX being Black is.

Our ancestors? A flex.
This power? A FLEX.

I chose to properly contextualize the pain:

Being Black is not exhausting. *Oppression* is. Being Black is a blessing, and I will treat it as such.

4. I decided to give only as much as I could. I did not extend myself in ways that are expected but that I was not led to.

I sought direction from my creator for how to be of use today and didn’t do more* or repeat what I’ve said for years. A novel concept.

4.1

*To be clear, I worked a LOT. I was productive and focused on persistent matters of freedom.

I just didn’t spend my time publicly *reacting* a lot. Because that wasn’t what I was led to do.

And we exhaust ourselves doing more than we are led to do-tapping into dry wells

4.2

At some point I stopped being a person for a lot of folks and became a product. One that serves out action & information in reaction to pain like an activist vending machine.

I decided to take my humanity back. When I have it, I give it. When I don’t, I focus elsewhere.

4.3

It is a practice in ego, not community, to assume I am the *only* resource.

We build teams, not saviors. So many offer such unique things. You don’t have to follow *me* to do your work.

And we tap in so others can tap out. I stay in *my* lane & support others in theirs.

5. My faith teaches me to be a light in the darkness.

And it is dark.

RN, I feel my lane is to bring love, comfort and power where my people feel hopeless and being able to do that means, in part, not being ashamed of feeling my most powerful self so I can make it contagious.

5.1 Again, I remind myself that there is nothing lacking in Blackness.

It is not broken and not in need of fixing.

WE are the baddest people on the planet.

It’s your systems that need replacing. Not Black folks. We good on any MLK boulevard.

6. I got a Black man I am responsible to and for. Right in my own home.

His heart was broken, and I wanted to soothe it.

I will not empty myself to the point where there is nothing left for him or me, or the people God has placed in my direct stewardship.

7. There is freedom in not doing non-Black people’s work for them.

Am I a resource? Sure. Am I a guide? Absolutely. I take that seriously.

But I’m not doing other people’s homework. I’ll present the work, and hold the bar. Where you take it? That’s on you.

7.1

It’s sick. You watch us bleed out on camera literally, then you watch our community bleed out figuratively all over social media. And it’s the only thing that spurs too many people to even momentary action.

I will not bleed in public for the sake of your awareness.

7.2

I will grieve when my heart grieves. I will cry out when my heart needs it. I will give public and private voice to my rage when I need to.

But that is for *me & mine.*

I will divorce that from the overwhelming feeling that others “need to get it.”

7.3

One of my mentees struck me when he said, “they don’t need to understand white supremacy. They understand it so well they know exactly when and how to personally weaponize it for their protection.” Hashtag Amy Cooper.

Stopped me in my tracks.

7.4 The many ways white supremacy manifests? They have been written and spoken and researched and covered by the best scholars and communicators among us.

The truth is there. Seek & ye shall find.

And not because Black folks had to bleed for you to finally read up.

8. Black folks’ work in this moment is to love, heal, hold space for, comfort, speak to, speak for, and reflect power back into our beloved existence.

In a world that constantly wants to pervert our Blackness, part of our job is to hold fast to its beauty and let it empower us.

8.1

Blackness is not a curse-so I won’t let America make it one. It is giving me such strength to reject America’s perversion of my power & embrace who we are.

Healing the oppression I’ve internalized is plenty of lifetime work, and I choose to prioritize it.

9. “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.

And that is an act of political warfare.” -Audre Lorde.

I say this all the time, and it is finally bleeding into *how* I work, and not just what I do when I *pause* from working.

See above. Transformative.

10. Finally, my faith is keeping me so grounded. I truly believe that justice is God’s divine ordinance and *people* have gotten t wrong.

So if I believe that He provides for me daily, I believe Him to provide sustenance & progress in this work, too. He’s strong where I’m weak.

That’s what I got.

Threads like these, of thoughts I’m still developing, are often like a public journal.

I’m learning in public because it’s part of my service. If it’s helpful, I offer it to you.

Just know I’m not perfect, and I’m in the middle of it still. But it’s my truth

I love y’all. All y’all.

Especially Black people. I’m praying you find what you need today, whatever it is, to be reminded of who you are, and the power you possess.

We are the culture. We are the flex. We are the power. Be encouraged.