I’ve recently been using Twitter as some sort of journal, so here’s another random thread exposing my vulnerability once again.

As introverted as I am, I never realized how lonely I’ve felt these past couple months.

As mentioned in a previous thread, at the start of the whole shelter-in-place mess, I connected with someone on a dating app.

Things went well for a whole month until she told me that it was best for her to “not talk to anyone right now” because her mental health wasn’t the best during the quarantine.

I understood, gave her the space she deserved, and only sent one text a week just to check in on her and make sure that she was doing well.

During this time, I personally had no need to play around and talk to anyone either (except my family and friends, of course). I used all of the free time to focus on myself, which worked out in my favor.

I was caught by surprise when she contacted me after she finished her final exams of the semester. It was great seeing notifications from her after all that time apart.

She told me that I’d hear from her daily now that her mental health has improved, which gave me a reason to believe that we’d pick things up from where we left off.

So we continued conversing with one another every day and even managed to get another FaceTime call in. (I’m still not a fan of FaceTime/talking to anyone in front of a camera, but I did it for her.)

Last Thursday was the last time I heard from her.

I sent one text every morning after that, but I never got a response. It was as if I was talking to a wall.

I have never been a ghoster or a ghostee, so experiencing that myself was a low blow.

Right now, I’m just giving her space once again. I stopped sending the daily “Good Morning” texts and avoided calling her so that she wouldn’t get bothered/annoyed by my “clinginess.”

Honestly, I just want her to know that I haven’t stopped thinking about her, I care about her, and I don’t plan on giving up on her.

If you know me, you know that I’m the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve and does everything in their power to seize every opportunity that comes up. (I guess that’s the athlete in me, lol.)

You can tell me, “Phil, don’t worry about her. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” But, from the way that I connected with her these past couple months, I knew that she’s a special woman.

This thread is just for me to think out loud after a few days of restlessness. I don’t expect her to read this thread by any means, but if you want to give me a “Twitter, do your thing” moment, be my guest.