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Alright, no one will see this so I& #39;ll just vent here
I hate myself. I wish I could go back in time and stop the events that led to my creation. I wish I was the person they all expected me to be. I wish I didn& #39;t feel like a worthless piece of shit every fucking day. I wish I could just fucking disappear.
I can& #39;t remember the last time I was truly happy. My mind is filled with negative thoughts 24/7 and I would be able to handle them if they weren& #39;t so fucking loud. Like, damn, I know I& #39;m useless just shut the fuck up.
It& #39;s bad enough that other people think they should remind me about how horrible I am too. Like, "gee thanks guys, It& #39;s not like I didn& #39;t know that already but I appreciate it :)"
Then they act completely different a minute later and I have to go along with it because I hate arguments and deep down I believe their words are true. I& #39;m honestly so pathetic like no wonder they left me lmao
I& #39;ve felt like a burden for so long and it& #39;s literally the reason I hate telling others my problems because I don& #39;t want them to waste their time worrying about me.
BUT OF COURSE, my dumbass thought it was a good idea to tell my dad how I felt when he called the other night and now he has to fucking worry about me which is the last thing I wanted. Like, he already has to worry about my three step-siblings
I& #39;m 20 fucking years old and they& #39;re like 10 I should not be his problem anymore. Now he& #39;s telling me to not feel that way, that I matter and shit and fuck I hate the way that he sounds like he& #39;s pitying me, it makes me feel even more guilty.