I've had several tough phases during lockdown but yesterday hit me really hard. As the No10 press briefings are basically PR exercises, I watched the Liaison Select Committee to understand why Johnson has acted the way he has over Cummings & to understand the government's plans 1

for getting us out of lockdown. Journos have to be polite when asking questions so this committee was a shock. Time constraints meant questions were often blunt but many of the MPs found it hard to be polite & their obvious anger at Johnson really affected me. It made me realise2

more starkly than ever before that all of us are absorbing so much unpleasantness in politics every day, such a pervasive lack of decency & humanness, that it's fuelling the most dreadful rage & fear - collectively & individually. Some of the things I've seen on FB & here lately3

have also been a whack between the eyes. Various categories of things that can only come from people being angry & fearful. And it gets me that way too. Lies have always bothered me. They make me feel unsafe. I'm saying this like it's about me. It really isn't. It's about all of4

us. It cannot be healthy to be absorbing all this. Some of the MPs yesterday could barely get their questions out they were so angry. And I don't blame them. Seeing with the government's response to CV19, & confronted with his dreadful replies to their questions, I was angry too5

The things I learnt from that committee have made me even more fearful for the future & even more depressed about the future for all of us here in the UK & abroad. 6

I don't want to tweet scaremongery stuff that makes others feel worse. Out of sheer frustration, I probably have at times. I find it hard to learn stuff that affects me deeply (because of its implications for so many others) & not respond, question, analyse. 7

What I want to do, however, is think about how I can relate to everything that's going on AND keep myself safe, healthy & happy. I am really scared that lockdown measures are being eased too soon & too quickly. We were told the gov would watch effects of phase 1 easing on R, 8

but phase 2 has already been announced & many people aren't adhering to lockdown regulations any more anyway. I don't want to be the voice of doom, muttering about second waves, & I'm not going to be. So, I'm going to tune out for a while - from the news, politics & social media9

No doubt, I'll still share dog pics, book stuff & nonsense! Love to everyone. Stay safe.