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I am feeling... unsure about my senior year.
I guess I’ve felt this way for a while but I pushed it down to avoid it bc it wasn’t coming for a while but now it’s here. These days I can’t help but compare my work to my peers, who are all awesome and talented. And the terrible part of my brain is telling me that they are more
Awesome and more talented than I am. Which could very well be true. It’s so unfair for them and for myself to feel some sort of envy or jealousy but it happens. In the same vein, I feel like I’m going to spend so long on a thesis and then... hate the result. I wasn’t super happy
With my mini thesis and it makes me nervous. I really don’t know what I want my future to hold if I’m being honest and not having that goal to work towards... not having an area of specialization to practise for is difficult. I’m feeling a little lost is what I’m saying.
I’ve also noticed these feelings are being spurred more by the lack of formal critique I’m able to get on work when I do work outside of school.
I’ve also felt like... well I enjoy doing my PJO fanart but it’s begun to be the thing I’m gaining traction for and that... makes me a little uncertain. It makes me feel like I never grew or changed... and it’s not something I could feasibly make a living off of.
I’m not sure. There’s no moral to this thread. I’m just a little bit lost is all. I’m sure once school starts I’m going to bury these feelings deep deep down and live in the very stressful moment. For now I have to think.
