More #COVIDDeepThoughts from post- #ICU clinic...this time less academic and more personal. Managing critical illness in the setting of #COVID19 has been a ridiculous roller coaster of emotions...I’ve experienced extremes of grief & joy & accomplishment & frustration & despair...

We see the best and worst of people. Death and near death are not abstract concepts, but rather facts of life. The things we witness over and over again are events that many people never see, or if they do, it may be once or twice in life. This was the case even before #COVID...

But now it’s amplified because there’s just more, and news of COVID constantly permeates our surroundings as we now exceed 100,000 US deaths. In order to tolerate the sadness, we must hold on tightly to the bright spots. For me, #ICUrecovery has been one of those bright spots.

While I’ve been fortunate enough to take care of many kind, amazing patients, I don’t think I’ve ever heard as many words of gratitude & appreciation as I did last week. Even more remarkable - although these #CovidWarriors were essentially recovering from near-death experiences,

They still asked how they could help others - by donating plasma or offering support to people who have survived the same, or by doing something else positive. They cared about things bigger than themselves.

It was inspiring to witness this generosity & resilience - the best of the human spirit. Perhaps these individuals were already altruistic prior to their illnesses, but still this led me to think about the potential for post-traumatic growth, and it gave me hope.

Pain is inevitable...by this, I absolutely do NOT mean that 100K Americans had to die of COVID - this did NOT need to happen. Nor do I wish to glorify suffering. But we are all here, and I hope we can make some meaning out of the pain, in some way.

For me, I’m coming to appreciate that I get to witness such a dramatic range of human experiences & emotions in the work that I do. I can either be drained by this reality, or I can embrace the possibility that it may give me wisdom that I otherwise would not have obtained.

Part of me is tired of always trying to look for what’s good...but I think I’ve come to realize that appreciating the good & finding opportunities to grow are ways for me to keep moving forward. May we all learn from these patients & find some meaning in adversity.