I just went through SO MUCH in just a matter of 7 hours. I think. Feeling good. Just want to keep talking on and on about it because it keeps showing up in blessings around me on and on... this is a thread of that! Lol.

Real cold hard world examples: through my trip I kept having stuff bothering me come up.
Orders I haven’t sent out, housing insecurity, racism and transphobia to be honest..

During my trip a white man in a giants cap snarled at me. It was very clearly out of hate. But i walked past him with So Much confidence and think I even smiled at him even though I thought I could die if he took that the wrong way

Anywei, San Francisco is a very special place to me. Let me explain why this interaction was so wonderful. Yes. WONDERFUL. After it happened I told my friend Sam so she would confirm to me I’m not “tripping” lol. After I told her, I saw the red 2008 Toyota of my older cousin

My older cousin who would drive me every day to school in Los Ángeles when I decided I want to move there bc the stuff around me was just not clicking. I hit that car a couple times learning how to drive. Anyway. Yes. I saw his car, and it had an in n out cup in it which made me—

(That stuff not clicking being the amount of negative energy around me, it felt like everyday I went to school all I’d do is come back and be sad about how people don’t respect people. I was in like idk 8th grade?)

—Think even more about him. I’ve been wondering if he’s been feeding himself properly. He’s an Aquarius too so he tends to have that hard outer shell in which he won’t care abt himself first. I’m guilty of that too. I’m an Aquarius sun n rising btw lol

Anywayyy back to old white man story. In San Francisco when my cousin (w the red car) visited for the first time he was like idk 18? Maybe 19(?). I’m gonna call him and ask and then come back and confirm. But same age as me. Just as young and vulnerable.

He’s black by the way, so he got called the n word. By a white man. In a giants cap. When he was walking through the street. It was because he was wearing a Dodgers hat (bc he’s from Los Ángeles where I moved to) and sports rivalry I guess means traumatize a kid.

Anyway. In my life, this cousin has ALWAYS been extremely supportive of me and basically took on raising me for a little while. He’s the first person I came out to as queer/trans. I don’t know why it just felt right to tell him.

So I always think of him and see him in the black people i see around me suffering. It’s not fair. And I love you. You’re going to be okay. We have each other and even if you don’t know it, I’m looking out for you. I promise

In that moment walking on the street I felt unstoppable. I wasn’t even binding. I was wearing a button up shirt with a sports bra with both my talismans showing (gold necklace from mom who passed away, evil eye gifted to me by a beautiful black biz owner: http://www.DarkCrystalMoon.com )

I swear this isn’t promo lol. Just me wanting to share his love I clearly had protecting me in that moment.

SO ANYWAY!!! After this nasty but very enlightening instance, i felt a need to run through the street to rlly feel my ego death. So in classic double Aquarius fashion:

I RAN thru a BUSY ASS STREET NEXT TO GOLDEN GATE PARK LMAO WITH NO STOP SIGNS/LIGHTS. I felt really comfortable doing it tho! Cars know to stop and either way, I don’t care if I was gonna die because it simply is not possible. I had my ego death. And i felt it SO MUCH doing that

I was still mindful anyway bc i acknowledge the world we live in, does not acknowledge me the same way so I looked both ways but i still really just couldn’t get myself to give a fuck so I just RANNN full force bitch

I felt DRAWN TO A HOUSE!!! A house i would then find out when I rushed to my computer after getting home from this “trip” lol is the same number address as the house of a customer who I had not been able to get an order to due to my depression/covid. I let my intuition guide me!

The customer was super nice to me and let me know it’s okay. I don’t know why but I felt very very inclined to leave them a stone. So I did! Before this “trip” I decided to bring things with me to fiddle with bc adhd mind. I had no idea I’d be leaving it meaningfully like that

But I kinda jus stopped caring. These things only mean so much to me because I made them that. Not bc they are what they are. So I left my favorite stone there my first college roommate gifted me. Thanks Julia! <3 thinking of you extra today

So I left it there. Moved onto a next house though because I knew something wasn’t quite right. I recognized they (the ppl in the house I was really looking for) never had an ash tray next to their door the way that house did. So I ran thru the street again lol. I felt like a kid

All while this is going on Sam, was there and just followed me. I’m really thankful for that. Anyway. The house I was drawn to/looking for and SOMEHOW FOUND WITH NO DIRECTIONS?? (My phone died like 2 hrs prior to this) is the house of a dearly beloved friend’s cousin.

His name is Leo. *MIND FUCK!!!!* lol. I remember being very anxious about picking my name because I knew he had it too. I thought it wasn’t allowed to have more than 1 ppl in ur life w the same name lol

Anyway. I remember meeting him so well. He just had something about him I found so admirable. I guess in a way I kinda picked it bc of that. His family is extremely hard working and have a special place in my heart whether they know it or not. So I felt comfortable leaving—

—another stone at his house I finally found. FINALLY! I could tell because of the railings on the door. I left a geode my very dear friend Noah gave to me and just kept it movin. Onto the next person. A bitch is on a mission! And I kept not thinking before crossing the street.

I left it out in the open too, something I didn’t do w the last one. Bc i accepted if anyone sees it n wants it it’s because they need it. What matters is i put it out. :) I also gave the house la bendición before leaving it, hope they didn’t think that was weird

So I went on and still kept feeling like I had to leave a stone somewhere. Or just one of the things I had packed in my bag. I packed crystals, color pencils, an envelope, an energy bar, and water. Also my sketchbook. I think when I reached in looking for what to give next,

That sketchbook was my green light. I immediately was searching for my school. I wanted to go to the art lab. And leave something there for my professor who has impacted me SO GREATLY! Lovely wonderful fiilipinx artist who in her classroom taught me to not give a fuck even more

Let me know if you’d like to know her name, I’ll gladly give it to u so u Can support her if you’d like or just rlly want new art to look @ by a dope artist. ANYWAYY so. I kept walking n walking relentlessly towards the art labs. I was still feeling scared—

—but knew it was okay to be scared by whoever sees me and feels threatened by me on the street despite me observing my peace/ theirs. I just made peace with it. If someone wants to hurt me, do it. They’ll realize they can’t and never actually will.

So I walked PASSIONATELY with this fear because I knew it was stopping me from getting to my goal. My goal was: GET MY GLASS CAT FROM MY ALTAR I’VE HAD SINCE I WAS LIKE 12 AND GET IT TO FILIPINX PROFESSOR! AS A THANK YOU FOR THE BRAVERY AND I DON’T GIVE A FUCKERY SHE’S TAUGHT ME

SO I finally get to the art lab, and i suddenly found a use for the single envelope I decided to bring with me. It was for that! I wrote on it, “for ____, thank you for the lessons.” I hope she gets it. I think she will

Oh also fun fact I had just previous to this helped my friend who is also a filipina artist with a scholarship essay. I want her to get it so bad. And I know she will. I helped her speak about representation in art for her community and was worried I wouldn’t get it right bc—

—I’m not filipinx. She ended up loving it so much, she really resonated with it! I thought oof thank god. C*l*nized minds think alike. Anyway, deviating from this fun fact where filipinxs are just continually being so lovely to me in my growth

(WHICH DOES NOT SURPRISE ME!!! Have always felt really big love once I learned they were also colonized by the United States.)
Anyway. So I get to the art lab and write down n leave the cat for my prof. I’m super happy. Lit up w JOYYY. I did it! My mission, however was not ending

I kept hearing weird ass sounds from this art lab. Granted. It’s a weird building. It has its crackles n pops. So I went by to the hallway where I know there’s a water fountain bc I was thirsty and along the hallway I found a message written on the white boards we use for crits

It was basically all about COVID and you’re gonna be okay type thing. It was really pretty and I wonder if one of my professors wrote it. I feel inclined to say filipinx prof did bc she’s a Leo and that’s my sister sign (also my fucking name jaja) but I digress:

I saw those messages and felt mesmerized. I felt like I could take a break from everything I was doing because I just kept wanting to show people how much I love them. And while that’s important, I know I can not care for myself too over this.

So I did! I went and drank more water. I also decided to look around me and think well. I’ve left so many things along the way. What can I take that’ll not only make me feel happy but still be helping people somehow—

—so I took this poster of an American tattoo styled dagger going through a heart that says “Who says No To Love” . My brain FIRED. I took it off the wall and didn’t hesitate. They’ll be ok w/o it. But here’s what’s freaky and why it matters so much:

The whole time through this experience I could tell my friend Sam was really really struggling. She kept trying to distract herself and not focus on what was going on. This hurt to see. So I wanted to help her feel better. I snatched the poster for myself but ended up—

—giving it to her because IT HAS A NICE ASS MESSAGE!! AND. AND. AND. She has a tattoo of a dagger going through a heart on her chest where her heart is. I always remember her talking abt this bc she said it hurt so much but was so worth it. Also a filipinx person btw. It seems—

—y’all continually teach me as I teach you and I’m very grateful. Alright onto the next weird thing. I just felt really good after that. I found pin tacks I needed for my art project I didn’t wanna buy at t*rg*t in a lil cup n just took some. They’ll be fine w/o em—-

—I’m offering them my knowledge as an art student jaja. ALSO PAYING BIG BUCKS FOR THIS SCHOOL SO YEA! I DONT CARE ABT TAKING STUFF FROM THE ART LABS. Anyway. Here I’m starting to get to the end of all these cool things happening—

—but not really. I think it was just the stuff wearing off. Which was cool. I love to accept both realities n shit ya know what’s the point in fighting it when they exist at the same time and take up the same space-

So I’m coming back home. Sam is doing evidently better on the way and I just feel so happy for her. She reminds me of what I lose sight off. I asked her if the plants around a certain place were new and she said they were always there. That was so good. She’s learning!!

I’m on my way back and I see a baby. I love babies, they are so sweet and kind and full of love. I was walking still very confidently but warmly and the baby just screeched Hi at me. I thought I was maybe tripping again but I confirmed w Sam it actually happened lol.