Every time I have gone to write a post about trauma this week, I am stuck, overwhelmed, convicted and conflicted, because I don’t know how to address what is really going on inside of me. This is my best attempt at doing so.

I was just understanding the full scope of Breonna Taylor’s story when it was interrupted with news of George Floyd. I don’t know what I expected to see when watching his video. It said he was murdered, but I could not imagine it was as senseless as what I was watching.

Over the past few years the videos of POC being shot, lynched, run down, choked, murdered and any other degrading act of violence is coming through our timelines casually, as news.

We watch, often desensitized that Ahmaud’s mom, amidst the grief of losing a child (by lynching) is in her early stages of grieving, also has to have the evidence of her grief on display for the uneducated world to see.

As many have pointed out there are more murders without video. This is not uncommon. This is not new. This may be new to you, but it is not new.

I have made so many stupid remarks in my process of getting educated about white supremacy. It wasn’t just because I was uneducated but because I was white, and disconnected to the racism in me. There is a disconnect with white people jumping to a conclusion: “I am NOT racist!”

My whiteness without education is what shielded me. It was my armed ignorance. As a white person, I have the privilege of ending my traumatic experience. I find solace, and move on. This sadly, is a privilege POC do not have.

Racism and white supremacy is the most horrific case of generational trauma our country knows. All the evidence is there. Everything we need to know and OWN is already available, but it is making a choice to become aware and let the truth be told.

This issue with racism is so bad we have POC thanking white people for speaking up. Let me be clear: White people owe this to POC. This is not a trend. It’s not a quick fix. This is a long overdue obligation of the white population to GET EDUCATED, and dismantle white supremacy.

If you are white, please do not speak up on this & then direct others to your book. You’ve not had to pay for this & therefore should not profit. Please direct to POC who have spent chapters of their lives (at a severe emotional, & mental cost) to produce work to educate others.

I am far from knowing everything I need to know, but I know that I am willing to do what it takes to become more educated and take action. As someone who speaks on being a cycle breaker, this is my responsibility and I take it seriously.