THREAD: The #AmnaUsman situation
happened to me in terms of infidelity. Cheaters don't change. There are MANY entitled 'Usmans' in this hypocritical country. They leave you at home taking care of your kids & their moms while pursuing lurid bachelor lifestyles themselves

There is NO excuse for violence & thuggery but I'm trying to make sense of all this. #AmnaUsman probably tried to stop the relationship & Usman must've ignored her & obviously so did the golddigger. So she sought the support of people with clout to evict her husband's mistress

The house seemed to be paid for with Amna & Usman's money. Imagine Amna's pain & disgust & distress. I think it was heinous to turn physically threatening towards #UzmaKhan. No woman deserves that. Ever. There is NO EXCUSE for violence or ugly rape threats despite immense pain

Betrayal. Realising you've lost your best years to a lying, cheating scumbag. That your kids will suffer. That entitled men & golddiggers will live in your home on your rightful income. That you will end a sham of a marriage with no child support, no alimony, just degradation

This is why financial rights for women in marriages are so crucial. You are demeaned. Insecure. You break. You are blackmailed to continue while your soul suffocates. The laws of Pk strip you of your dignity & your entitled husband & in-laws do the rest. THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE.

As for #UzmaKhan, she isn't to be entirely blamed. If not her, there would've been other Uzmas. Women who don't support other women & lack empathy are friendless & untrustworthy. We all have a different moral compass. Who knows what Usman promised her? Love? Support? Marriage?

It's the arrogant Usmans of this society that are its malignant tumours. If they can't keep it in their pants, they ought to be honest about it, give their wife & children ample dignity, provide responsibly, support their wives on rebuilding a new life. We all deserve happiness.

Usmans & Uzmas belong together. Cut from the same cloth. They don't stay happy long nor quite trust each other. I speak from experience. Most women undergo the pain of betrayal silently. Until you break & your screams can no longer be silenced. But don't EVER stoop to violence.

FYI this was my initial reaction: https://twitter.com/laaleen/status/1265211169398304768?s=19

No man is worth this much pain. No woman, be it Amna or Uzma, should suffer this much because of a selfish Usman.

Here's what happens. If your husband cheats on you, you're told it's your fault because you don't know how to 'handle' him. Yes I was told this by my ex-MiL. And God forbid you spurn his amorous advances while you're exhausted with pregnancy or childbirth. And yet he still cheats

Your alpha-male Usman-type husband will insist on sleeping with you while sleeping with many others. He will lie to all. He will kill your joy & confidence. You don't realise how poisonous he's been till you leave. You can finally exhale, away from a toxic version of domesticity

But then you see another broken woman going through this hell. And it triggers all that pain & rage & helplessness you've overcome once again.
To everyone going through this: you are not alone. You don't have to put up with it. It's difficult but I promise it's not impossible.

To clarify: I did not know he was cheating until I filed for divorce and then dozens of people confirmed it beyond a doubt. I'd left him because he was abusive: emotionally, physically and financially abusive, had taken away my home & taken away my children. I had nothing & noone

He & his mother would gang up against me, saying his abusive behaviour towards me was because I couldn't cater to his needs, that I was an awful wife & a terrible mother. No acknowledgement of his poor upbringing, rage issues, substance abuse. They wouldn't "allow" divorce.

I learned when I announced my separation that he had been cheating on me throughout with women of all ages in many cities. My staff knew. Our friends knew. I was a naive idiot who was unaware since he isolated & gaslighted me. Despite his violent temper I'd thought him loyal

Despite all this, he never broke my heart. It is still intact. He never reached that deep.

I did love him as the father of my children but not as my soulmate. We were never equal partners.

I'd already mourned the end of my marriage years ago when he turned ugly & frightening.

These husbands share a roof with you, sleep with you, bark orders at you & expect your effort & perfection for their household & family & meals & work & travel & socialising. This is not separation nor an open marriage. It's a regular marriage but with deception, lies & hypocrisy

He'd refuse to discuss separation or divorce or coparenting options. You are his property for life. You aren't "allowed" to leave. He had me under surveillance. Filed cases on me under our roof without my knowledge. She was complicit, knowing it'd drive me away. I blame only him.

All I've shared today was triggered by discussions on social media. I am relieved to say I harbour no bitterness. Sharing experiences helps others in pain. I had no knowledge of toxic marriage & narcissism till he happened to me. I advise others to stay alert for warning signs

Truth be told, we weren't well matched. No shared interests. Different wavelengths.

He dominated me in every way. I found him lacking in intellect, empathy & humour.

Opposites might attract for about 5 minutes but if you can't be friends, there's really nothing to salvage.