Footballers deserve all the millions they earn. I've always thought that they were overpaid brats until the day our NYSC team went to play the prisoners at Ilaro Prisons.

Prior to this, I've never played competitive football in my life but I grew up around football.

I've played all the FIFA games from 2009 and took it up a notch by playing Football Manager games extensively.

So I considered myself a pundit, coach, tactician and a brilliant defensive midfielder. In my head, I was a prime Makelele, intercepting passes and leading the...

The transition from attack to defence.

When the news came that we were going to play the prisoners, I was excited. My babe begged me not to play and said something about being fragile but what does she know about football??

I was gonna lead my team to glory.

The night before match day, I watched best of Kante, Ndidi, Mikel and Makelele. I was mentally and spiritually ready.

Game Day

We went to the Prisons and it was like marching into Camp Nou.

The prisoners were drumming and singing soccer chants like it was a World Cup final.

They were about 1,000 inmates we were about 50 corpers. They certainly had the home advantage but I told my guys that we should not be afraid because even Leganes dey win Barca for Camp Nou.

So we gingered ourselves and went to play.

The ref said I should remove my glasses before I enter the field. I removed it and remembered that I had myopia. It was too late to give up now. I wasn't going to let myopia and asthma stop me from leading my team to greatness at the Camp Nou.

So the match started

Words can explain the intensity with which these guys played ball. The prisoners were fast and physical, and they knew what they were doing.

In one minute, I was drenched in sweat. Cartarhh was coming out of my nose and sweat was entering my eyes.

Our 4-2-3-1 formation

Quickly changed to 8-1-1. Everybody dey defend. The possession game we planned changed to what I did not understand.

There was a lot of shouting and yelling. Body odour everywhere. Someone sweat or spit flew to my face. I didn't mind. I was playing for pride.

Imagine say you dey mark person and his teammate is yelling "Man on you! Bola man on you!"

Why are you giving him expo that I'm marking him? Is that how they used to do in La Liga?

Every damn time I try to sneak up on someone, they will shout, " Man on you!"

It's just wrong.

We were already 8 goals down in under 20 minutes. When I had the ball, my team mates were yelling, "Aliyu pass the ball! Pass the ball"

Pass the ball for what? We're already 8 goals down and I should pass ball to a bunch of ineffective forwards?

Madness is doing the same thing

Over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I'm not mad. I was not going to pass the ball. I was going to score a Puskas worthy goal.

I beat the first man and managed to do a couple of stepovers before someone came from behind and barged me off the ball

I looked at the ref but he waved play on. I sat on the ground thinking of my life. My heart was pounding hard against my chest and my breathing was ragged.

My team mate came to give me a hand and I yelled at him. "Why didn't you say Man on you?? Why?? You no fit alert."

I feigned an injury and requested to be subbed. If I would have played for 5 more minutes, I for just die.

Will I do it again? Absolutely not. Even if I'm paid 200k a month, I won't play ball again.

I'll stick to my video games and snooker.

And oh. The match ended 19-8.

In case you don't know how to celebrate your birthday, go to the Prisons and make a few donations and talk with them. They'll appreciate your kind gesture.

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