it's exhausting as hell being black. i'm speaking to my white friends in real life and on twitter - i don't think you really understand just how exhausting it really is. to see a black man get unnecessarily killed on video a day after a white woman uses her whiteness to call 1/

the police knowing it could potentially kill another black man is just deeply saddening and frustrating. this just about a month after another black man was hunted down by two white men who were roaming around scott free until the public spoke up. i broke down in tears 2/

watching that video. i felt hopeless. people were really trying to minimize that situation..really?? some of you (my white friends), reached out to check on me and some even went further to understand how you can be a better ally. thank you 3/

for those who didn't check on me, i honestly wish you had. you probably don't know how to approach the situation - i understand. but let me just show you what my experience has been on this earth as a black man. you never forget the racist moments that happen to you... 4/

overt or covert. they stick with you. i remember every instance where I was called 'nigger' or the word was said in my presence - when I was 5, when I was 13, overheard by friends' parents, by people IN college. being called monkey in elementary school, ..., 5/

repeatedly being accused of getting a scholarship solely because I was a minority, basketball coach saying 'jigaboo' in practice, teammate saying if it rains on election day obama would lose because no black people would go out and vote that day . 6/

being stopped and frisked at the belmont stop in chicago for no reason, people calling AAVE uneducated while in the same breath saying shit like 'whoopsie daisy' and 'whatchamacallit.' I could go on. now, that's just shit that HAS happened to me. 7/

now to show you what my daily thought processes – if i see a cop, I take my hands out of my pockets. my house has a trippy alarm system so I run through the scenarios of what would happen if cops showed up and assumed i didn't lived there. 8/

every time before I run now, the image of Ahmaud falling to the ground plays in my head, and I question if it's safe for me to run this time. I run anyway. 9/

my white friends - none of this probably happened to you nor ever will. and i'm sure you felt disgusted by the videos and news that you see, how could you not? But you carry on. I carry on too. We have to, but I assure you my carrying on looks different. 10/

for y'all who don't know what to do, or where to start – try challenging your friends or family who say uncomfortable racist things. or, if someone says something in a group chat that you know is wrong, check them. this is one way in which you can be an ally 11/

it will be awkward for you, trust. so imagine how uncomfortable it is for me. not saying anything lets the cycle continue.

today is a very tough day for me. being black is exhausting. but shit, i'm proud as fuck to be black. 12/