One thing I learn from a lot and want to learn from more is the way people who are invested in a community (out of choice or for lack of choice) often manage to cooexist with cooperation and conflict. My oldest aunt has a land dispute with her neighbour, and they work together +

without resentment on some common issues and visit each other often and share food and gardening tips but are still able to acknowledge their rivalry when it's time to talk about that side of things. There are threats and tears and emotional blackmail and a lot of talk of +

honour and the right thing (something that still holds weight in villages, I suppose), but perhaps based on the awareness that they are both tied to their houses, to this neighbourhood that means a lot to them, the connection beneath the conflict remains strong. It's something +

I struggle with often, being used to the freedom of getting up and going away when things get uncomfortable. Being able to think of shifting lodgings if there's an inconvenience. I haven't needed to make the effort to improve relations with my neighbours, to think of +

relationships that might last years and even span generations. Sort of like a marriage, I suppose. Or other personal relationships. Deciding how many chances to give, how much turbulence warrants waiting out. And it's a skill worth honing, I think, this how to keep various +

contrasting threads alive in a connection without succumbing to the temptation of a clear severance. It's becoming more and more important to me as I grow to see the grey, to learn to deal with complexity in a manner that rings true not to the world but to my conscience. Not to +

foolishly suffer abuse or get taken advantage of, but to find and make spaces of integrity where people can be human. The land dispute took an unexpected turn today with the neighbour moving to demolish a wall. My aunt (a tiny round grey-haired person in a nightie) asked him +

how he dared take that step, and he replied that he'd stop the demolition if it really meant that much to her. And now they're bringing in relatives to discuss the details and figure out a compromise. They still have a lot of other areas of disagreement, but it seems to be a +

long-haul relationship of neighbours the way I've (personally speaking, mind) seen only in older generations and in areas that are not super urban. I totally coveted this skill when I was a manager, and now I covet it so as a person. Incredibly valuable and essential!