THREAD:

Right now, our country is experiencing SUDDEN loss— not only in deaths, but in institutions, norms, & the relationships we’ve grown to know. This is love for the lovers & something different for the others.

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One day we have them, the next day we don’t. We are all grieving.

At 25, I lost my best friend to a tragic accident.

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Never seeing my best friend postmortem, I believe, has greatly impacted me.

My subconscious mind has looked for reasons she was taken - searched for reasons I was never able to say goodbye.

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The mind is a poweful thing.

I’ve had dreams that my best friend faked her own death. I’ve had dreams that she is suddenly back and everything is fine.

Despair can confuse us into seeing what we want to see.

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Sometimes in life, there isn’t finality.

Sometimes it isn’t your fault.

If you’re like me, you may beat yourself up until you can’t anymore, even causing yourself sickness, even if it isn’t your fault....

And even if it is...

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Sudden loss changes your brain chemistry.

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You may find yourself susceptible to things you’d normally be able to point out.

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There may be predators ready to manipulate you in your vulnerability, even when they reach out to “help”.
Some may be well meaning and some are NOT.

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If you are a good natured person & want to believe humans are inherently good, recognizing this kind of sickness in people *IS* or can be difficult.

But the mind continues to want to make sense of the trauma, & once shock wears off, you may be one to search for answers.

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After my own loss, I wanted to see where the accident occurred, I wanted to know every detail. Replaying these things in my mind did much more harm to me, but it was part of *MY* grieving process.

I wanted to see it and understand it. That is my nature.
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This can take a toll on your mental and physical health.
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Similarly, we are never going to understand all of this war, and it may kill us trying, but we are still looking to make sense of it.

We’re all grieving.

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As much as I grieve for my old life or for any semblance of normalcy, I know that we will never be the same.

And much like loss in the death of a loved one, life before/life after,

AMERICA will always be:

life before tRUmp/Life after tRUmp.

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Each day, we will do our best to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps.

We have to keep moving.

We have to keep fighting thru each step.

Some of us stronger at times than others...

Some of us guilty is our despair.

Some of us trying HARD to remember our blessings.

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Lives have been turned completely upside down.

And *this* brings me to the point I want to make this morning to my Twitter friends.

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For the past 2-3 months I have had some rough times. Those of you that I’ve formed relationships with— here, I am deeply sorry.

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I need you to understand that my own life changes have come with vulnerability.

I’ve allowed myself susceptible to abusive behavior. I have been in some a few tunnels, but I’m okay.

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In my own quicksand, I wanted answers to something personal.

In doing so, I looked in the wrong places.

I don’t seek to harm others & sometimes I’m hurt bc my belief that people are inherently good.

Some of these interactions were fine, others have NOT BEEN.

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These bad actors may not be aware, but I’ve been thru a good deal of hell in my life. As a 6 year old child, I was sexually abused, at 9, an abusive boyfriend held my mother down, raped her in our hallway. I waited anxiously to escape to call for help. Domestic abuse-repeat.
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As a 13 yrs old sexually abused yet again by a 40 yr old man, and at 21 years old, drugged and raped by a 40 yr old Emergency Room Doctor.

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As a 25 year old, I lost the closest friend I’ve ever known. I’ve juggled bowling balls, I fought my own way thru college, paying my own way, while working 40-50 hours a week as a cocktail waitress/bartender—
IN HIGH HEELS.

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I’ve had a baby, run a half marathon, & have worked my ass off to support my spouse thru a DECADE OF MEDICAL SCHOOL/TRAINING. *THAT* isn’t for weaklings.
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I’ll debate you under the table on most political topics, I’ll show your ass the way around a world map, I’m decent in int’l relations & I might know a thing or two about FAVA BEANS & HEMATOLOGY.
If you thought I was average ALABAMA BIMBO, I suggest you CHECK YOURSELF.

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That was just a glance. I fight hard and I love hard.

THERE isn’t a TWITTER BULLY from here to hell that will stand in my way. I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT CONSISTENTLY

(as I have since this sh*t show began).

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BULLIES: I’m not interested in your boyfriend, best friend, your dad, brother, or your insecurities. And UNLESS we are tight or YOU ARE MY F’ING THERAPIST, DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT ANY OF MY RELATIONSHIPS. I’m not here to accentuate your future therapy-in-training program.
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I’m not here to fill you up with details so you can mimic me (like you have them) or whatever your pathetic psychotic obsessions are. If you’re manipulating dm’s, or doubling accounts for your benefit, you WILL GO DOWN. Only a matter of time.

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I want to apologize to those of you that I’ve formed bonds with OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS.

You have been everything to me & I am so sorry I allowed this hall of mirrors to make me question you.

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If I’ve force unfollowed you and we've been friends in the past, I’m very sorry & hope you understand that the repeated abuse/threats on this account have kept me questioning everything when I should've known better than to look to the consistent ones.

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