I keep wanting to be like "man why can't white people celebrate folks like Jonas Salk" but then I remember he was a Russian Jew and that answers that.

"I mean I had a Sandy Koufax poster when I was a ki--oh right."

I WAS GONNA SAY MARK SPITZ BUT

YEAH HE'S A JEW TOO SHIT

YOU GUYS JUST DON'T GET ANYTHING, HUH?

This didn't start as a dunk, I just can't think of any unproblematic people white folks can be proud of except for sex symbol and brief family friend, Burt Reynolds.

Now you're going to ask me, "Eva, you talk constantly about Willie Nelson and once suggested he was a Christ-like figure, what about Willie?"

Willie Nelson belongs to the world.