I think a lot about akira talking to maruki about akechi but doing it in code because he's afraid maruki will out him / be homophobic. "we went to the aquarium!" "is it weird I gave her an expensive bracelet?" "my friends say she's using me" "I know I can't trust her, but...."

even after maruki tells him he knows about the PT and akira starts talking about their missions, he keeps referring to akechi as a girl. maruki found out from seeing akechi and the PT at the fair and akira talking to him about it, but he doesn't tell akira to not scare him off

after akechi dies, akira just breaks down to maruki and slips up like "I wish he was here... I wish I'd been able to save him". after that he's paralyzed, thinking maruki will reject him, but maruki says he's allowed to feel this way, that he supports akira unconditionally

this is the first time akira's come out in tokyo. he got outed in middle school in his hometown and after that tried so hard to live up to expectations, but his classmates avoided him because of rumors and his parents rejected him. shido was the last straw

it's not that PT aren't his friends! but homophobia feeds into his already existing inclination to be secretive and private. he already knows people like him better when he has a mask on for them. he thinks they'll reject him if he takes it off

even worse, loving akechi could worsen his internalized homophobia. his love almost killed him. his love put the PT at risk. his love might have even killed akechi - akechi sacrificed himself for akira. is it any surprise he'd feel his love is wrong and screwed up?

I also like thinking about the casual homophobia the PT might have towards akechi and how it might hurt closeted akira. "he's way too into you..." "maybe he's gay?" "of course he is! look at his hair!" "dude, that's gross." "you better watch out when you're alone with him!"

sometimes akira smiles weakly at the PT's gay jokes about goro and says "I'll be careful". he feels terrible both bc he's hiding being gay and bc he's being homophobic. but he's also furious bc being gay doesn't make people animals, and what happened to supporting outcasts?

this thread brought to you by a combination of personal experience and the yosuke's internalized homophobia + the IT's homophobic / transphobic moments. yosuke kanji and akira closeted bi. shuake canon