Part of the dilemma of growing up in Lebanon and then moving abroad is not knowing where my focus will be.

Twitter is a good example.

Majority of my feed is Lebanese, great majority of mutuals are Lebanese. I’m keeping a bond that is constantly thinning.

Realistically I was forced out by the situation and a part of me, a big one, never wanted to leave. I keep my account settings set in Lebanon to always get Lebanese news and Lebanese trending topics to know what’s going on as well as Lebanese friends.

At this point I’m losing hope in that bond. I keep holding on to a place in which I’m not desired. Grew up with no opportunities or safety. The way I see it, the abundance of sectarianism and racism and hostility in young people matches that of previous generations, at least

I always made sure to buy all my products as Lebanese even in here, always give my money to benefit some Lebanese somewhere or another. I think I’m moving on to just integrate in the American society properly and keep my Lebanese bond to myself.

Why bother with all the headache all the time, have all my money and dreams invested in going back to Lebanon, while I am already at a great place, maybe try to settle down in Brooklyn, look into California, enjoy a stress free life.

Or maybe it’s just that last part that stressing about Lebanon had become too much that I just need a break while things change.

The dilemma of a stranger in two countries.