Why I suddenly want to take my studies seriously?

a thread:

I am an only child. Since I was a child, I have already witnessed my family fighting A LOT of times. And everytime that happens, my mom would remind me that I can't trust anybody from my relatives.

I was a weak and careless child back then. I'll get sick and won't take my medicines that's why my mom would decide to take me to the hospital even we don't have enough money. My mom would ask help from our relatives, but sadly no one would help.

My mom would then remind me that nobody will be there from our relatives will help me and that's why I need to strive hard for my future so I won't be helpless when I grow up.

I witnessed my mom worked hard. She entered the business world just to earn for my future. My father is on abroad, but he only earns 1k a month back then bcuz he was scammed.

On my 8th grade, everything was normal. Until one day, I dreamed of riding a sinking ship. I told my mom abt it and she said that I must be careful bcs that might be a sign that something bad will happen to me or to my studies. I ignored it bcs I thought i'll have it undercontrol

Oh well, mothers knows best indeed. I almost failed a subject. I got my first 70+ grade. She was fuming mad and very disappointed. Since then I'm scared of the thought disappointing her.

On my 9th grade, I dreamed about the sinking ship again. But until now that twist in my life still did not happen. I'm scared of failing. again.

My parents aren't getting any younger that's why I need to strive hard becuz I'm an only child, if they'll leave this world I will be all alone. I won't have anyone to rely on.

My fear got worse when my mom starts showing signs that she is getting old.

I made this thread kasi some of my friends does not understand me, my reasons and decision. Sorry for the grammatical errors.

I'll end this thread here. Thank you for reading and I hope that somehow you'll understand me.