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oof decided to log in my tumblr account that hasnt been active for like 4 or 5 years now and like... why are people still interacting with this... i got 100 notes within the past month???¿¿
i snapped with that layout doe
also ew pronouns
i wonder if i had any eggcerpts lets see how this goes
im still kinda in pain and kinda vulnerable to spiraling so im trying to distract okay !!!!!!
whats the best way to distract ither than cringing at your ild stuff am i right
KDKSKFKKEKE ???¿¿¿??? WAS I STRAIGHT???¿¿ BRO. this "if [character] was a guy i& #39;d probably fall in love with him" ???????
though that would be gay now wouldnt it
idk bro i have so many ????? feelings about romance or it might just be my massive fear of commitment though admittedly i am more attracted to guys
but if were talking about a deep relationship i wouldnt really care about the gender, if we connect then we connect
maybe i just wanna be penetrated... or maybe as well it might be a projection of wanting to be the guy...
i came here for cringe not for an existential and gender crisis
ITS THE FIRST POST IN MY PERSONAL BLOG I HATE IT HERE
not to mention this was 3 yrs ago???? 2017????? really????¿¿¿¿ or it could be 4 but idk how the tumblr counter works but still thats... wow
my art blog...
that header is an absolute callout i hate it here
can i filter to my original posts i wanna focus on them though tags are also interesting i guess ok fine
wait ill eat first then well buckle up for a ride
honestly i still have a lot of times where im worried im just faking it but i dunno... the euphoria felt way too real and way too strong... so...
ugh
ALRIGHT. also it started raining and the air is cooler this wouldve been amazing if it wasnt for my diarrhea (that seems to be calming down now and i hope it completely goes away by tonight ㅠㅠ)
i really made motivational stuff as my headers but jokes on me im a complete mess and do not follow any of these
also i just checked my archives yeah this was from 2016, i guess tumblr counts it 4 when its exactly 4
wow i was so self-deprecating i mean i still am but in a more closed and sad way rather than this attempting to humor way
this is depressing in the way that i keep saying "dang"
the depressed teenager vibes i exuded was astounding
this isnt as spicy as my old twitter accounts im getting kinda bored
i did write the more depressing stuff elsewhere but booooooo
ill keep going because im procrastinating
why did i reblog a post about friends drawing you art when i never had any before ?
i dont know whether to laugh or cry at all the stuff im seeing rnrjjekek 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✋" title="Raised hand" aria-label="Emoji: Raised hand">
yo... wtf... i found some tea... i have no memory of this happening but it apparently happened during new years of 2016??????
i was fourteen years old but was exposed to immense amounts of pressure and stress because of school. and apparently my father told me to not cry during the family gathering later that day because we dont always get to gather...???? what about how i felt?
have you not considered how its not normal for someone my age to be so stressed and start crying? oh thats right, you dont. i probably just looked like some fragile ****** that definitely doesnt have anxiety or anything! totally not at all
god reading this is so infuriating i dont remember this what the actual fuck
yall ruined my life by making me go to this damn school but yall wont take responsibility when shit gets hard for me and think religion and familial activities would solve everything
god im so pissed
i was fourteen... that was also the year when my ****** habits were at its lowest... bro what the fuck
what were going through yall& #39;s minds??? your child is clearly not okay??? neglect is a form of abuse too you know. yall turned a blind eye at everything or just made it lighter than it actually is
i really dont want to exaggerate what ive been feeling but its been so hard. its not normal that ive been crying every single day. i dont see how thats normal
lol i suddenly remembered that one time i actually decided to be forward with how i was feeling but i just felt so forced and violated because there was no patience, they wanted to confront me immediately. i was literally sobbing in the bathroom but they decided that it
was a good idea to unlock the bathroom and invade the only space where i feel the most comfort and solitude
then i was confronted with apologies and shit about saying how they didnt know. and even made me sit with them for a fucking prayer god that was so stressful i wanted to break down again
then when it was done, i was asked "so we good now?" are you really downplaying everytjing again? huh im not really surprised. because years of torment because of what i& #39;ve been through due to your negligence and preference for your own wants is /totally/ excusable in a day
jokes on you ill never forgive yall. i have no plans on closure, i just want to move out and never see any of you again
i still worry that im being too dramatic and a bad person but i really cant take it. everything is falling apart and ive been hurting and letting myself hurt for too long
i dont know how id be right now if i didnt meet the two people who i consider as the most important in my life right now. ive only met them for like under a month but ive never felt so comforted, accepted, and loved before its so new to me
usually id doubt it or feel its fake because its hard for me to believe anyone genuinely cares but it was different with them. it honestly terrified me, and it still does sometimes. but im so thankful, i didnt think id find any threads to cling onto anymore
i cant stop crying ugh i hate it here
everyday i just wish for independence and freedom but everyday i only feel more helpless
gkkdktjrbbyjtjr
gonna move on in a bit just need to let it out
i lob him so much :(
also lmao my stomach is doing much better now but as expected im not allowed to be in a completely good state https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥴" title="Woozy face" aria-label="Emoji: Woozy face"> gonna ****** *** later
to be fair i did this to myself but i didnt think i was gonna spiral this hard
wow i was convinced for quite a while that it kinda made no sense why i hated my family but everything is just slowly coming into the light. i still doubt myself and stuff as always but wow this is terrible
im so frustrated right now
and no i will not stop because self-destruction am i right
children that young arent supposed to have sleeping problems
i really reblogged some pretty depressing and lonely posts wow
its sad how 4 years later things arent really any better mentally and emotionally
identity crisis at 14 (and probably younger) yooo this isnt normal im genuinely concerned for my past self id send them to therapy if i could
[a post about christmas not feeling christmassy]
me: i was like 8 or 9 the first time i felt something was missing like holidays don& #39;t feel the same for some reason
... no words
me: i was like 8 or 9 the first time i felt something was missing like holidays don& #39;t feel the same for some reason
... no words
i am genuinely concerned this is heart breaking
i know that happens to most people but... does it happen that young...?
wow remember when i didnt fully give up on my grades? what a time
its ironic how i had to get high grades to be able to get a pen tablet for drawing. it ended up with me not using it as much in the later years because of constantly trying to get high grades
trying to use it more these days though. keyword trying. art is a more sensitive topic for me than writing so its been hard
a reblogged a lot of neko atsume maybe i should redownload that game
i reblogged a post with bob ross and now i just remember jungkook https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">
i should follow a tutorial of his sometimes. i dont have actual tools but digital should work for now
omg just saw a post about an au concept and the absolute angst potential it has... i will write this... one day...
me when i was 14: enthusiastically reblogs anxiety/depression related posts
me now: constantly contemplates whether im just overreacting or faking it even though it did get worse
me now: constantly contemplates whether im just overreacting or faking it even though it did get worse
my life at this point is just filled with second guessing myself i dont know who i am
omg i decided to go to my feed for a break and i saw seokjin that was beautiful
one of the best things about tumblr is how its a really visual based platform and i love all the gifs and i also love how much you can customize
maybe one of these days ill come back wow. but just for art and stuff
yo there are so many good writer prompts on here this is sexc ???????¿¿¿?¿¿
i reblogged so many soulmate aus ooooo the taste and also oof the subtle implication
me checking out past related stuff no matter how harmless i think it is never ends well
im almost done though djskks im at september and the first entry on here is august
ack ngl im too tired today to scream more but aaa im excited ;_;
im gonna hide away and force myself to be productive once im done emotionally exhausting myself with this
why was i so delulu with anime characters... younger self youre so weird... the y/n energy...
im a lil shy now this thread is a mess and im still very vulnerable https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
but at the same time ive lost it already fkskkskrjr i started laughing because of this one post i had and my keyboard wasnt working and i couldnt delete some random tags. it wasnt even funny...
