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During my IM rotation I had a patient who had AGE with severe dehydration. His name was Alex, in his early 50’s, a resident of a far flung area in MisOr. I remembered my resident saying that it was a mortal sin to have a patient die out of dehydration on your hands... https://twitter.com/stphnph/status/1265497991256985600">https://twitter.com/stphnph/s...
...”Tabangi ko ani, Lev.” My resident plead, as our patient was in bad shape when I saw him at the ward that day. And so help, I did. He eventually had AKI which required dialysis. I would be the one to accompany him during his session even if it was beyond my duty hours...
I did not complain and extended my two arms even if I was beyond exhausted. Since I was staying long by the patient’s bedside I’ve made a good rapport with his wife. However, the patient still did not improve after how many days. He was then intubated and was moved to the ICU.
And then on one unfortunate morning, Alex expired. I was called at the ICU to remove his femoral cath. I didn’t know it was him since I didn’t bother to look at the patient’s chart. It was only when I saw his wife on the lobby with a used shirt covering her face..
A lifeless Alex covered in white hospital blanket laid on a stretcher behind her. His wife saw me first beyond her watery eyes. Hugged me and thanked me. “Salamat doc. Salamat jud kaayo doc. Salamat kaayo sa inyong tabang.” My heart was crushed. I was on the verge of tears too.
I couldn’t muster a single word. But she kept on thanking me as if her husband was alive and well. I hugged her back. With another tap on her shoulders and a peek of my dead patient’s body, I hurriedly ran to our quarters and cried my heart out. I was heart broken.
I cried for so many reasons. I cried because I was tired. I cried okut of frustration. I cried because the patient did not make it despite. I cried because even if he did not make it his wife was still grateful.
Even when I’m writing this 2 years after that incident, I can still feel the hurt like it just happened yesterday.
This is also the reason why I can’t see myself practicing Internal Medicine in the future. I have not fully resolved the idea of death and dying for my patients.
This is also the reason why I can’t see myself practicing Internal Medicine in the future. I have not fully resolved the idea of death and dying for my patients.
I have this mind that holds on to the thought that, I became a doctor to save lives, to bring life in to this world, hence OB would always have a special place in my heart. 
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