“Welcome to your regular government issue eye exam Mr Smith. Cover your left eye please.

Okay, one castle or two?” /1

“Great. Bigger or smaller?”

“And again please. Bigger or smaller?”

“That’s great. Now, acuity. Just shout out when you see a real castle.”

“Yes excellent. And again please.”

“Very good, Palace obviously. One more please.”

“Superb. Okay just count down the turrets to the smallest one you can please.”

“Great. What colour is this castle?”

“And this one please.”

“Perfect. Nearly done. Can you see this castle okay?”

“Great. And this one?”

“Perfect.
Castle/Castle vision there Mr Smith!
Let’s do the other eye now and then we can go and test your hearing at Wembley.”