there’s a lot in my head right now. lots of hurt and sadness. wishing that things were different.

sometimes wishing I could move to another country where things would be safer, but knowing fully how irresponsible that would be and how important it is to stay and fight for those who don’t have the ability to. also why the hell should WE have to leave to avoid being murdered?

thinking about how many friends I have and people I know that want to support the lives of black people but only to a certain point.

once it becomes political, once it turns into needing to recognize the way that their president has enabled racists and needing to recognize that the police force was created with the harm of black people in mind, they get cold feet. they refuse to acknowledge it.

that infuriates me. then I wonder if something happened to me or to someone close to me, if those friends would still ignore the intrinsic societal problems, or would they finally get a glimpse of the hurt because someone close to them is hurting?

what they’re not realizing is, at least for me, every time this happens it feels like it’s happening to someone close to me. because in a way, at any time, it could be.

I think I’ve reached a point where I’m done feeling like I have to carefully explain why black lives matter to my white friends. I’m tired of feeling like I’m tiptoeing around the worth of my own life and my family’s.

I’m tired of speaking gently to make others comfortable.

I’m praying for the lives of my family members and close friends and praying for safety for them. I’m also praying for justice to be served, especially for the lives that we never got to hear about. also for people to open their eyes and fight against injustice.

today I’m frustrated. frustrated especially with many members of the white Christian community who are remaining silent or ignoring what is happening. how can you remain seated when your brothers and sisters in Christ are being murdered?

how will you romanticize and fetishize mission trips and the lives of people of color outside of the US but when black people are being killed next to you, you ignore it? are you forgetting that we are ALL made in the image of God?

if you, as a white person, are taking a moment to figure out how to be involved in what’s happening but having to figure out how to navigate this while realizing that, as a white person, these are situations that you’ll never fully understand, I thank you for that respect.

honestly, I don’t have an answer for you on the perfect way to engage with all of this. this is all so messy and so hard and heartbreaking and should not be happening, but I just implore you to listen to black people. Listen to what we are saying.

take it in, and have conversations that matter. learn about the systematic racism in the US, and talk about it with other people. I’m no expert. I’m just hoping that more difficult conversations will be had, and that more people will fight for justice.

I’m thankful for a reminder in a conversation with @itskaitlyn_ that Jesus was and is not white. thankful for the reminder that the God that I serve send himself down to live life as a person of color. how beautiful that is, and how beautifully and intricately God made us.

in His own image, for sure. stand against injustice. #blacklivesmatter