I'm on the XPT from Dubbo to Sydney and wow. Anyone taken this train? Quite the in flight entertainment

The smack heads are nodding off, the meth freaks are just pacing endlessly up and down the carriages and the guy in the seat behind me is having a very animation conversation with himselves

He seems to have at least three personalities, one of which has a clipped British military style accent a second seems to be, inexplicably, a yoga teacher. The third I'm trying to work out. They're having a conversation about The Beatles

OK the third is a kid who wants to go wee. "Weeeeeee!" he says and the other personalities chortle at the joke. Actually pretty good joke considering

Guy behind me just called his mum and his other personalities miraculously disappeared. Totally normal conversation for like ten minutes. Then I realised he wasn't on the phone

Someone is shouting DON'T KILL THE WHALES

Three people who got on at Lithgow are coughing A LOT and it's having a knock on effect with the junkies now madly clearing their throats and the guy behind me mimicking ever hoik and splutter. It's like a disgusting virus orchestra