claire: [sees someone doing something stupid]

claire: what an idiot.

claire: [sees that it’s jamie]

claire: hold up, that’s MY idiot

— written in my own heart’s blood

jamie: [holds the door open for claire] after you.

claire: no, after you.

jamie: i insist, after you.

lord john: [pushes past both of them] it’s after me now bitches

— written in my own heart’s blood

operator: 911, what’s your emergency?

fergus: my wife is going into labor and i don’t know what to do

operator: is this her first born?

fergus: no, this is her husband

— a breath of snow and ashes

claire: name one way to be nice to others.

marsali: not killing them.

claire: setting the bar a little low, but I’ll allow it.

— outlander season 5 episode 2

*brianna having a job interview*

future boss: so what is your weaknesses?

brianna: i dont have any, asshole.

— an echo in the bone

brianna: are you a little spoon or a big spoon?

jamie: i’m a knife

claire: he’s the little spoon

— drums of autumn

jocasta: just be yourself, say something nice

brianna: which one? i can’t do both

— drums of autumn

claire: what is your favorite color?

lord john: jamie

lord john: wait, what was the question?

— an echo in the bone

jamie: this was a 100% successful trip

claire: we lost roger

jamie: this was a 100% successful trip

— drums of autumn

lord john: good morning jamie you look beautiful today

jamie: good morning el-

lord john: HAHAHA APRIL FOOLS!

lord john: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL EVERYDAY!

— voyager

jamie: i just want you to know that i thought there was no man on earth good enough for brianna

roger: awww-

jamie: and i still think that.

— the fiery cross

claire: you need a hobby

lord john: i have a hobby

claire: being sad isn’t a hobby

— an echo in the bone