You won’t always be able to tell if a person is disabled. Invisible disabilities look different on everyone. So, imagine being drunk while trying to take the GRE and win a presidential debate at the same time. That’s what my brain often feels like when I’m trying to talk.

You won’t see it in writing because I can edit, and you might not be able to observe it in person, but my brain is pretty much always in a bar brawl with probably 15 different streams, fast and slow, clear and muddy. I don’t know which ones are going to come out when I talk.

So sometimes I sound like a genius and sometimes I sound like a total idiot. My brain oscillates between moving too fast or too slow and it rarely moves at a Goldilocks medium manageable pace.

It feels like either I’m being dragged through mud while tied by my ankles to the back of a very tired horse, or it’s like I’ve been strapped to the side of a rocket that has just taken off.

... that’s one of my disabilities. Another one is more visible but harder to talk about because I (and multiple doctors) don’t understand why it’s happening or how far it’s going to go. The primary symptom is tremors, so I look like I’ve done a lot of crack if I move my hands.

I try to just not use my hands in front of other people sometimes because I’m so self-conscious. It’s more intense/visible some days than others. I either can’t do, or struggle to do, a lot of basic physical tasks. It looks like drug use or clumsiness, but it’s just my normal.

There are a lot of disabilities you won’t be able to register in your brain immediately or at all - people have Crohn’s disease or PTSD or a learning disability or are on the autism spectrum, and you might not ever know.

Don’t assume everyone is non-disabled if we aren’t in wheelchairs or with guide dogs. We are all over the place. You probably know more people with disabilities than you think you do.

Don’t be patronizing if we ask for help with something, because it often takes a fuckton of courage to ask for that help. I don’t WANT to tell you what I can’t do, so don’t be a dick if I ask you to do something for me that you think should be easy.

Also don’t assume we FOR SURE need your help. Don’t walk up behind a person in a wheelchair and just start pushing them (have had this happen before when I was in a chair, was v creepy & uncomfy).

If you treat me like a charity case, I will want to punch you with my very shaky hands. If you notice I’m having a hard time with a task, it feels a lot less humiliating if you ask “you got that, or would you like me to get that?” (Talk like you assume I could do the thing.)

Other pals with disabilities, please feel free to share your thoughts on how non-disabled people can be useful without being self-righteous dickwads. We’re all gonna be okay (or very not okay) with different things.

Thanks for the inspo to think this through, @matthiasroberts!