Something important for myself to keep in mind with the terf belief we trans men are trying to escape how women are misogynistically seen? Is that I dislike how men are seen as bad and predatory way more. Those assumptions of men make me WAY more uncomfortable.

It's those assumptions that I'm less safe and soft because I'll be seen as a man after transition that has MADE ME not want to be a man, to try and just be a cis woman.

I think that's important when figuring out who I am.

Because I genuinely believe it's more likely that me trying to not be trans is me trying to escape THOSE assumptions about men, then me transitioning is me trying to escape misogynistic assumptions.

I despise being seen as something I'm not. I want to be seen as soft & safe.

It's genuinely incredibly upsetting to think about how people will interpret my behaviour as predatory, even if I still try to be soft and nice. How people won't think me being nice to random kids is endearing anymore. It's going to hurt like fucking hell.

And me being scared of that, like to my core fucking TERRIFIED, doesn't make me less of a man at all. It doesn't mean I'm secretly a woman scared of being seen as a man.

Because I love being called he/him. I love being called a boy and man. I just hate. Those. ASSUMPTIONS.

It hurts so much just to think about already. That I'm guilty until proven innocent. That I'll be creepy for things people used to find endearing just because of gender presentation. This has been perhaps THE major reason I've wanted to detransition. The bioessentialism is poison

Oh. Yeah. And that's just IF i look like a cishet man. which. I probably won't. I'll most likely be read as gay especially since most of the time. I go outside. With my boyfriend.

brb gonna actually cry

if you're a non-man please understand how assuming we're instantly bad for being men is soul crushing. we get told this over and over. im already hurting when its not even personally directed at me yet.

i literally want to detransition because of this bioessentialism

i dont want to be seen as predatory just because im a man. and its gonna be worse because i doubt ill pass as a straight man. i dont want to be seen as worse and more capable of evil just for fucking existing

I dont want to be seen as more inherently sexual for being a man. I dont want to be seen as more of a risk. I dont want to have to deal with that, and especially how hard us visibly queer men have to deal with those accusations tenfold.

im already heartbroken over it tbh

it doesnt help that i have rsd and ptsd from being accused of bad things i didnt do. and just being seen and treated as inherently bad. i just. oh gods.