Read on Twitter
I’ve thought a lot about how I wanted to go about this and I’ve decided twitter is a better choice because I don’t have (much) family on twitter.
So. Here’s a thread on Paternal trauma. There’s A lot to unpack here. It’s not a good place. This is for me. So sorry in advance.
So. Here’s a thread on Paternal trauma. There’s A lot to unpack here. It’s not a good place. This is for me. So sorry in advance.
Raul was 10 years older than my mom. My mother got pregnant with me and had me at 16. When I was born, Raul’s sister threatened to kill me and my mom. (Unsure of why) but anyways my mom decided to give me her last name rather than his. (God bless)
Growing up, he was in and out of jail from the time I was born onward. He didn’t live with us for most of my childhood, and I don’t really remember him living with us until I was 7. Even then, still in/out of jail a lot.
When he was home, he was abusive. And used drugs often. Sometimes in front of me, sometimes not.
On most days he and my mother would fight. It got pretty bad honestly. I remember having to take my sisters out of the house a lot. Trying to get away from everything.
On most days he and my mother would fight. It got pretty bad honestly. I remember having to take my sisters out of the house a lot. Trying to get away from everything.
Around the time I was 9ish I moved out to live with my grandparents. He remained a dark splatter of memories.
My sisters remember him in various ways. But none of them favorably. Eventually he was gone long enough for my mother to continue her life with another man.
My sisters remember him in various ways. But none of them favorably. Eventually he was gone long enough for my mother to continue her life with another man.
From age 10, I only saw him periodically every so often. Much to my liking. I would spend occasional time around the family, but not enough to feel any change in my feelings to him. After starting high school, I told my mother I no longer wanted him in my life. She supported it.
By the time I reached the end of high school, he didn’t have any piece of my mind. I had completely removed him and found a supportive father in my brothers father Hector who remains to this day the only dad I ever had.
Fast forward and we didn’t have any contact throughout most of college. In my sophomore year we tracked him down so that my mother could serve his Divorce papers (bad choices eh)
While doing this we discovered that he and his wife(?) had 5 other kids. All taken.
While doing this we discovered that he and his wife(?) had 5 other kids. All taken.
They’d been taken to Child protective services. Raul’s aunt had adopted one of the kids. And his sister has the others. They had lost all the kids because of neglect. I only met one of my half siblings the oldest, and I felt so sorry for the life she already had aged 6.
So fast forward to a few months ago. I got contacted by his sister. Whom I don’t talk to either. I cut off most of his family. And I may or may not have gone off on her a bit. Not giving her my mother’s contact info, which is why she was contacting me.
As I’m driving that night home, I get called by my mom on a family group call. She has news. She sends us articles stating a man in Vegas has murdered his infant child with his wife. Raul Ramos had done what I always knew he was capable of...
Because of this, we found out that he was no longer in California. And they had 3 more kids while in Vegas. All under 4 years old. The youngest would be the one they found dead.
This was around January. I went through a solid 2 week period of anger. Confusion. Crying. Being lost.
I have so much love for people. And to know that an innocent child was hurt in his mess. It tore me apart. It tore me apart that these people had continually hurt their kids.
I have so much love for people. And to know that an innocent child was hurt in his mess. It tore me apart. It tore me apart that these people had continually hurt their kids.
My sister and I made the attempt to call the courthouse to make sure they would keep them locked up. But the legal system has a way of being the exact opposite of what you need.
I knew at some point he would try and contact me. I knew it would come eventually. And Yesterday, what I knew was inevitable happened.
I’ll take the time here to make a note: I’ve been holding this on my heart for a long time. I need to get it out and be done. I’ll also say these tweets show a version of me thats been in a lot of hurt. I really don’t believe I’m capable of hurting another person. Even him.
So: he contacted me.
And I responded.
And he didn’t like that
Anyways. This was the end of it. I blocked him. Mostly because I was talking to Stephanie and Chris during all this and they said to just get rid of him. He’s not worth it. And they’re right. He’s not. Hence this thread.
And so this is it. This is me getting rid of him. For so long I held onto all this pain. Didn’t talk about it. Other than a joke every once in a while. this is me letting it all go. I’m asking for nothing. I want nothing. Just to have peace with this small page in my storybook.
I hope that, one day. The world will be rid of awful people. But I know that’s a fools hopeful wish. So instead, I just hope I make the world less awful. In the memory of a beautiful child that was taken too soon. I hope the world is even a moment better with me in it. 
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Post note:
I am okay. I’ve taken a lot of time to process. It’s taken a lot to even write out these tweets. But I already feel relieved. This is just how I’m processing.
I am okay. I’ve taken a lot of time to process. It’s taken a lot to even write out these tweets. But I already feel relieved. This is just how I’m processing.
