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There is honestly a lot of things for me which go into personal happiness and satisfaction with what I am doing with my life. In that sense I would consider myself selfish because most of my goals don& #39;t relate to others, for me to be happy I need to make my own life.
With that being said, I think what I might start doing is using this twitter like a diary as well, but I will update it on a very infrequent basis. Basically, only if something which I feel is big occurs or I have not said anything in a while.
I am doing so because I myself don& #39;t know what I am feeling and how I have changed over the years. I only live in the present, forgetting everything and not thinking for one second about what I want to do in the future. This mindset is terrible and I want to change that.
My persona I would have to describe as varied given the circumstances. Being alone in my room is when I am at my most comfortable. I will essentially randomly browse the internet, frequenting Youtube, Twitter, Twitch, Email checking and depending on my mood, watching some anime.
And while that& #39;s not everything, I would consider those the stand outs. Not exactly the best list there I know better than anyone. Especially since I kind of feel like it is hard to find something I can enjoy on a consistent basis. Most of the time, I get bored after a week or so
I play a mobile game for example, I have about 4 or 5 on my phone but I only frequent 1 and I only go on another if I am in offline mode, the others have essentially been dropped. The whole thing is probably an addiction to being on a computer which scares me.
I wouldn& #39;t say I have any clear hobbies. Like I said, I am now at a point where if I play a game or try to watch a certain type of Youtube content, ie, comics, anime, gaming, comedy, I get bored after a while, only to find myself back there maybe a month or two later.
If I had to say what I enjoy just now it would be turning openings or music from games into sheet music where I try to make it as accurate as possible. Currently I am spending a couple of hours maybe each day. I& #39;ve been doing it before for a while but just got back into it.
My current main focus is an opening from an anime which while I rated about a 7/10, this particular opening has to be one of my favourites of all time, I didn& #39;t even want to try it for ages because I thought I wouldn& #39;t do it justice as I have previously done so with others.
Well it& #39;s currently coming along better than some of the others I have attempted and it actually is starting to sound good. Next step is adding drums and finding type of guitar in the background and what it& #39;s notes are. I have to admit seeing it come along is very satisfying.
The other one I haven& #39;t talked about yet is Duolingo. Being born in the UK, I didn& #39;t have to learn to speak to speak two languages to a high degree as I ended up not taking High-School French any further than year 3, a decision I still regret to this day.
I would like to say that anime didn& #39;t have much of an influence in my choice to learn Japanese but it quite clearly did. I will say though that I genuinely think I would have wanted to learn either Korean, Chinese or Japanese anyway because of how unique it is.
Recently I just passed the year mark, currently at about the 44th lesson and filling out the previous ones to 5 while also revisiting the ones I& #39;ve already maxed. It& #39;s a very slow process but that& #39;s expected. I hope to have those maxed so I can go to more lessons before I go back
And there lies my second focal point, my accademic success, or rather lack of. When I got into university it was by a stroke of luck, I failed miserably in my exams which I was supposed to pass in order to get in, it was only due to a shortage of number I managed to get in.
At the time I was so thankful but I was also in horror at myself. I had not once failed an exam before and here I was with 4/4 failed. I didn& #39;t want to experience that ever again and set out a goal to upgrade from a bachlors to masters while there.
I was fortunate enough to be able to, averaging about a high 2:2 or low 2:1 in the first three years, but I still didn& #39;t feel right, if you ask me questions related to my field I probably couldn& #39;t give you good answers. Too late in I realized this was the case.
Want to know the funny part though? I still haven& #39;t done anything to fix that. I wouldn& #39;t say I hate learning but I don& #39;t have a passion for it either, I just do it because I& #39;ve done so for 18/22 years of my life, I don& #39;t know what I& #39;d do after.
That& #39;s the other scary part of this, I don& #39;t know what I want to do after I leave and rarely think about it. I try to send out applications but they are so lackluster I may as well not bother, but at the same time I know I have to. My CV is essentially accademics and a few skills
No work experience, no summer internships, nothing to speak of there. This is what I should have done ages ago but I hated the idea of losing my summer so much. I just wanted to, and still want to, take it as a period to relax and not worry about those things.
This thread will inevitably be dug up by people who may be looking to hire me (hi by the way, hope you are enjoying the read). The part which scares me is if I actually want to change, I haven& #39;t thought about it nearly enough and now it& #39;s biting me back.
For example, if I took one of those truth pills you see in movies and I was asked what are my aspirations I geniuinely don& #39;t know what my answer would be but I have a horrid feeling it would be, to live my mooch-like life like I am just now forever.
I don& #39;t try to experience new things and would always go for the easiest route to do things. There have been a few exeptions recently thanks to my university workload but I& #39;ve always fallen back into the rabbit hole of being a mooch.
If I had to state the point where everything changed for me (because I wan& #39;t always like this), it was around the time I left primary school. I was the kid that wanted to be the front and center of everything, the one who wanted to be the best at everything.
I wouldn& #39;t think about others at all, selfish to the point you could call me a spoiled brat. Well over time that changed, things began to go wrong and I began to feel like I was being bullied, which I maybe was, but I could also be interpreting it wrong.
