GONE GIRL—the truth of how it went down. Might get me kicked outta Hollywood despite being 100% true. But why can’t we just be honest in this town? (I’ll omit names): The story of why your script prob won’t sell for 1 mil.

My FIRST HAND experience selling a project for 1mil+ /1
THE SETUP: The book was 26 weeks in #1 spot on NYT. Hence biggest book in the world. Studios already tracking and building offers ahead of time. Normal for HUGLY anticipated IP. /2
THE STRATEGY: Let the book rack up as many weeks as possible in #1 spot = higher sale price. Gambling WHEN to go to market. All studios waiting for it. A SURE THING. Right? /3
DAY OF SALE: 9am offer comes from ___ studio. The one everyone thought it would go to. Guess what. It was LOW. Punch in the gut LOW. Yet, HELLA pessure from BIG agency to take the deal to please A-listers which would in turn sell writer out (it’s why I’ll never trust agents😘)./4
EX and I discussed ways the town would be pissed if we didn’t take the deal. ME “Fuck that. They fired you for using a hello kitty pen, remember? You don’t owe anyone anything, WE’RE PASSING.” /5
I convinced ex that if the roles were reversed EVERYONE would walk from said deal also that EVERYONE would get over their hurt feelings. “IT’S A HARD PASS! We’ll sell it for a REAL price. Watch!” COCKY? No! Protective of amazing property. /6
CUT TO: 10am, 11am, noon. ZERO new offers and no counter offer. NOTHING. Calls exchanged from BIG PLAYERS demanding to know why the deal was not accepted. 100% true answer: “NOT THE REAL PRICE.” So it’s a pass. No offense. /7
CUT TO: 1pm, ZERO new offers. Ex beginning to panic. Complex politics discussion. Me “Fuck that, we’re no longer protecting BIG agency, A-list actors, nor anyone else but us and Gillian.” No offense. /8
CUT TO: 2pm, 3pm. ZERO new offers. Seconds tick like YEARS. A cell phone between us. Watching it hoping it rings. IT DOES NOT. Not for the #1 book on the planet. I’m beginning to question my strategy but don’t admit it. It’s looking like we’re fucked. /9
This is when we discussed ruined careers by not taking the bad deal and playing the game how ppl EXPECT you to—This town is brutal that way. But in my gut “NOT the RIGHT price. So we have to pass.” She agreed. /10
CUT TO: 4pm. ZERO new offers. My ex lights a joint I pour a huge glass of tequila. Ex “We gotta take the offer, it’s all we have.” Me “FUCK THAT. We can’t fold.” We’re terrified it’s not gonna sell for a REAL price. No new offers ALL DAY. /11
4:30. ___ studio calls (bless you!) “1.5 million guaranteed. Can’t shop it. Offer good for 30 min.” Meanwhile, Gillian knows none of this. But I’m trying my ass off to protect her, risking everything for her REAL price. If it doesn’t work me and ex are literally homeless. /12
Ex and I contemplate the offer. It’s HUGE. Life changing money. BUT! It changes the structure of all players involved in the deal in a HUGE way...

...Studio wants her to WRITE it herself = Ppl will be pissed. Solution need to happen immediately. /13
Me “THIS is the deal. I know it fucks everything up but this is a once in a lifetime sale. We HAVE to make it work.” We had 30 minutes to do it. Now more like 15 min after discussing... /14

(I know this is going long. Sorry. Almost done)
I said “Tell Gillian to discuss w/her husband. He’s in finance (googled him) he’s likely a numbers guy.” That’s what was said. Ended call. No idea what her decision would be as it was HUGE/Political. Waited... /14
She calls back. Deal accepted. Call ended. Immediately called studio “DEAL.” We exhale. Exhausted. Our lives changed in one day thanks to an AMAZING writer! (Gillian, you saved us from being homeless. THANK YOU!) /15
Ex and I high five “FUCK YEAH!” A once in a lifetime deal. Wow. Then we got wasted and got a shitty meal at Seasons 52. We didn’t know it was health food. Lol. The only person we told was the piano player I tipped. He nodded like “No idea what you’re talking about.” /16
It’s days like that which TRULY educate you as to the brutal realities no one talks about. Maybe I get blackballed from this Tweet. But I’ll always know I risked everything to get Gillian EXACTLY what she DESERVED. Even tho my name wasn’t in the trades. /17
As a writer: that experience taught me exactly WHY my specs will NEVER sell for 1 million dollars. EVER. And I’m ok with that.

REAL LIFE HOLLYWOOD.

-END-
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