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I'm just really doing my thing being alone like it's no big deal, but there will always be a time when I still miss people
When my anxiety keeps knocking me in the head telling me they don't miss you the way you do, don't bother hitting them up they won't respond. I listened to my head. Look what it cost me.
I'm basically stuck here holding my phone, having second thoughts on whether to check on someone or not. I just say "nah, I won't bother. they'll never listen to me anyway" because that's what my anxiety has been telling me all this time
I miss my old, chatty self. The guy full of stories, real or made-up, funny or not. I know they will listen to me. I don't know. Maybe I lost that old, chatty me some time ago, and I have no idea how to pull him back because I was busy building walls.
I kept thinking, I did my part to reach out to them when they need me and I thought I can handle anything without them. So I rejected any chance of them trying to reach out. Something they did? Something I did? No idea. All I know is I should've let them in.
Legit or not, you can keep telling me how you miss me, but God knows how I miss you more. Every conversation we had, I may not remember all, but I DO treasure everything. It just makes me sad that I pushed you away when you tried to reach me. I regret everything.
Every memory, every trip we had, every shot we took, every cigarette we puffed, every swear word we dropped, every laugh we shared. I miss them all. I miss the people I shared those moments with. I miss you. All of you.
I may not feel sincerity if you tell me you miss me, but I can assure you that if I tell you that I miss you, you better believe it. I'd tell you in any way I can, every damn day.
I hope you read this thread, and if I die, please don't cry for me because I am done crying for myself. Don't tell me you miss me because you'd be too late by then. Take care of yourselves.
