I had a breakthrough in thinking about anxiety last night and maybe this will be helpful for someone else?

TL;DR: physical and mental anxiety are two separate things and it's possible to experience one without the other. And realizing that has been a HUGE help.

For me, anxiety is very physical: tight chest, can't breathe in fully, jittery.

Just talking about/reading about anxiety triggers those feelings on a small scale.

Sometimes I can shake it off/breathe through it, whatever.

Sometimes it just liiiiiiiingers. Uhg.

Especially if I'm actually mentally anxious about something.

Like yesterday, my husband and I had a really intense conversation about my novel-in-progress. Those conversations are always fruitful, and a necessary part of my process at this point.

But they're stressful as hell.

All that day (having the convo) and the day before (anticipating the convo) I was anxious, mentally.

Yesterday night? Conversation's over, but my body is still wrecked. Chest tight. Can't breathe. Jittery.

Mentally, I'm no longer stressed, but physically? A wreck.

My husband asked why I was still anxious, and normally I would have tried to come up with a rational reason. A mental reason.

A reason that, if I thought harder about it — if I was a stronger person — I'd be able to Just Get Over.

Instead, last night I answered that I was still anxious because my chest was tight and I couldn't breathe.

And it was such a revelation to me.

Because *that* was why. Not because of some mental thing I could Just Get Over if I was a better person.

My body was anxious.

My body was still anxious after a stressful day, and I didn't have to justify that to him — or myself — any more than I would have to justify why my legs are still sore because I worked out that morning.

All that to say, I've lost a lot of days to letting my inability to calm my physical anxiety symptoms drive me into a mental frenzy.

It's a cycle, and it's tough to break.

CBD oil has helped me break that cycle. Breathing exercises. Distracting myself with friends/going out.

But realizing I don't have to justify physical anxiety feelings is huge.

I don't have to drive myself into a state of panic trying to mentally overcome a physical sensation.

I can't think my way out of a strained muscle, or physical anxiety symptoms. And that's really freeing.

Anyway, realizing that yesterday took a ton of pressure off me, mentally.

And finally having the words to explain to my husband that he didn't need to talk me out of my anxiety because mentally I wasn't stressed out was helpful.

I pulled my anxiety muscle, and it needed rest.