‘Marriage’ is the worst thing that can happen to an African woman, and they are beginning to realize this. The African construct of marriage is hugely premised on male dominance, and female self-jeopardy. As an African woman, you must redefine marriage for yourself.

African women are groomed for marriage, and asked to shrink their drive for material success, so they’d be demure and gullible enough to ‘earn’ male admiration. They barely chase the bag; they are taught that marriage is the bag.

This is why many African women from the older generation didn’t marry for love. In fact, when these young women expressed that they didn’t love their suitors; they were cowed into marrying these men with the lie that love will grow in the marriage.

A man gets her parents approval by paying a sum called bride price with a list of materials, which confers ownership on the man. The woman moves into the man’s house; takes up his name; births children, and they take up his name and origin.

This woman forfeits her life just to keep the marriage even when the man is not putting in effort to make it work. Submission is expected from her, and her husband controls her decisions and micromanages her

She has to ‘singlehandedly’ make the marriage work even when he cheats. In fact, she’s blamed; he’s not held accountable. She’s abused, and has no economic power to pull out. This is the premise on which traditional African marriages are built on.

The truth is that women lose much more in marriage. They lose their identity, they lose their desires, they lose their voice, they lose everything to the man as marriage is sold to her as the ultimate prize.

However, the narrative is changing, and this is why women should be intentional about their decisions. Society took away your liberty to make choices the day you were born a woman, but start to determine the trajectory of your life.

You don’t have to copy the deleterious average African marriage model. You dont have to shrink yourself to get male attention. You don’t have to take up a man’s name after marriage. You don’t have to change your origin after marriage. You don’t have to buy into ‘submission’.

You don’t have to believe that marriage unconditionally for a lifetime. You don’t have to have children by yourself; you don’t have to even have children. You don’t have to put with abuse and toxicity because of what society will think if you leave.

When you begin to think this way, a lot of African men will loathe you. They hate that you’re reclaiming your identity and power; they hate that you have to choose. Male dominance thrives on female benightedness, and once you become aware, they demonize you.

So have these conversations with men you have a love interest with. Own these ideals. Ask them questions about everything and anything, no matter how insignificant. The high divorce rate is a result of awareness.

Many African marriages were built on one dominant and manipulative partner which is usually the man, and a docile and subservient other. It’s hardly premised on love, equality, and mutual accountability.

Please, dear African woman, if you must marry, let it be a synergy of lifetime exploration and adventure of a of your individuality with a man’s. It should really never be you stripping yourself of your identity just to have a man.

Again, they’ll hate you, but that’s because you are reclaiming your power. A powerful woman is an average man’s nightmare. Determine the kind of marriage you want, because the society’s marriage for you do not have your interest.