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If i’ve realized anything in my humble experience is that men don’t fall for pretty or smart or funny or whatever girls. Men of God want their rib.They only fall for women who fill in some gap in their patchwork of trauma. Love is relative to their own long sought emotional needs
And selfish love isn’t love at all. It’s a projection of what one wishes they were treated like in childhood, how they wish they were listened to, comforted, seen.
Only once we learn to love others for their independently standing identity, as if admiring them in awe and pride from a far point in an auditorium where they’re performing, will we realize that others can not compensate for our sense of lacking.
That is not to say that we should remain single until we are healed. Relationships provide us with a platform to practice new habits in how we treat others. They’re spaces where we grow more easily (when we want to)because we feel supported and connected.
Healthy relationships can entice us to grow. Relationships can be safe havens for progress - but people are not rehabilitation centers.
So in order to apply the word ‘love’ to any one individual we must, upon getting acquainted with their identity, feel pulled in by a force so mesmerizing it compels us to abandon our ego’s lens for a fraction of a second, and see the other for who they really are.
Not for what they can do for me, not for how they make ME feel; simply for who they are when we are not even around. For who they are when nobody is even looking.
P.S. I say ‘men’ at the beginning of this thread because I have witnessed the phenomenon more often in men, due to the societal conventions that often prevent them from expressing their emotional needs through the years. Women then become an object to channel those emotions.
