Not everyone deserves your kindness and civility, folx.

Being kind to people is hard work. I used to strive to be kind to everybody. But when that kindness is given to the wrong person, they will take it, twist it, USE it, and by extension, use YOU and hurt YOU.

Ppl need to be called out for bad behavior and face consequences for acting like a bigot. You cannot magically change a bigoted person with your “kindness and civility”. If a person wants me dead because of who I am, enabling that will lead only to harm and continued bigotry.

Being “one of the good ones” will NOT keep you safe from the brunt of someone’s bigotry. Being the “black friend”, the “brown friend”, the “trans friend”, the “gay friend”, just makes you a prop to SUPPORT said bigotry.

That said, I refuse to be kind to transphobes and allow them to continue their behavior unchecked. REFUSE. If you’re told something you said or did is transphobic, it’s on YOU to apologize and change, whether or not it was expressed “kindly” enough not to hurt your ego.