I am a person who binge eats as an anxiety coping strategy. It is compulsive and it is a form of self-harm.

Right now, I'm going to talk a little bit about this and how I've been working on it in therapy.

Binge eating is, for me, kind of like procrastination:

It is something I *know* is hurting me and setting me up for misery, but the little hit of serotonin that I get in the moment by having another bowl of ice cream is more attractive to me than Doing the Work(TM).

The little bit of relief I experience when I say, "Liz can have little a (dozen) cookies... as a treat... because she feels anxious," is this psychological exchange wherein I prioritize in-the-moment glimmers of feel-good for long-term, balanced health and wellness.

I'm deceiving myself every time, and it triggers a cycle of continued eating... and that breeds shame... and the shame sows seeds that blossom into self-loathing and the belief that I deserve the pain that it causes.

But. It is compulsive. And I do not stop.

Or, I did NOT stop. I am stopping. I am Doing the Work(TM), and this is how.

First, I told my therapist.

Well, I *started* telling my therapist. I told my therapist *part* of the story. I felt too ashamed to tell her the *whole* story.

And she met me with compassion.

That compassion opened me up, and I told her MORE of the story.

And she met me with empathy and acceptance.

That empathy and acceptance offset my anxiety enough that I could start to believe that there could be other ways to cope.

That I was worth Doing That Work(TM).

Second, I did A LOT of body scan meditation.

If you're not familiar with the practice, you can read a good overview here:

https://mindful.stanford.edu/additional-resources/self-care/body-scan-meditation/

It's about connecting with the sensations in your body (remember: anxiety is a FEELING in your body). Recognizing them. And then giving yourself permission to respond consciously.

Body scans are a practice. They start as something you're teaching yourself to do and, once you've figured out HOW to do it, you can start to use them reactively as a tool to fight against compulsive cycles, dissociation, and other states that pull you out of your body.

Third, create accountability.

This step was about asking the people I love and who love me to HELP ME. It's hard as hell and is a whole lot of therapy on its own.

It requires directness and explicit requests:

"I am working to overcome an unhealthy pattern, and I need support in order to get myself out of this cycle.

That support looks like you checking in on me, you celebrating my successes, and you offering gentleness when I struggle."

Fourth, I had to make eating an exercise in mindfulness.

I did a lot of "meditate on eating this raisin" exercises. They mostly made me feel stupid in the moment, but holy shit it HELPED when I let myself lean into it.

Here's some good reading: https://www.mindful.org/6-ways-practice-mindful-eating/

What this looks like in my daily life is posting a lot of food pics on Instagram, tbh.

It makes me slow down. It makes me THINK about what I'm eating.

It means cooking things that are flavorful and forcing myself to taste them. It means making my sweets cravings an opportunity to bake, and then to reward myself with a couple of cookies instead of pounding a whole fucking bag of Oreos when I feel anxious and out of control.

The last thing that I'll note is that being in control of this cycle ALSO requires therapy and medication for my anxiety.

The therapy, the medication, and The Work(TM) are ALL important parts of keeping myself safe and stopping myself of compulsive, self-harming actions.