I'm gonna drop a truth bomb - Sometimes your anger isn't righteous. Sometimes your anger is what your ego transforms shame into when it's trying to protect itself. Take time to sit with the anger & ask yourself:

Are you angry because what someone said was unjust/untrue/unkind/unfair or are you angry because what someone said was true and triggered your shame? Are you angry at them or are you angry at yourself?

When you are angry because someone said something rude or mean, the solution is external. You let them know that it's unacceptable to talk to you like that, you establish boundaries. When you are angry because you are ashamed, the solution is internal.

Self-compassion, apologizing, talking it out with trusted people are all good ways to work on shame.

What someone said can be both unjust/untrue/unkind/unfair & trigger your shame. Your job in that instance is to let them know you don't tolerate that behavior. Then you do the work on your shame with trusted professionals, friends, or family.

One last caveat: There are always exceptions & in this case I am talking about a really narrow experience. There are people who will try to shame you intentionally. To combat that you need self-compassion ("I know I am doing my best & trusted friends and family.

Basically we all need EXTREME AMOUNTS of self-compassion to learn and grow. :3 Please stock up if you are going on this journey.

This thread inspired by a really recent episode at work where I went into a shame spiral after messing up and proceeded to blame everyone else for making me feel bad before realizing what was happening LOL