Read on Twitter
About 15 years ago, my family and I were flying back home (Vancouver, Canada) from the US. My dad and I were seated next to this sweet older woman. She struck up a conversation with my dad. I kept to myself, but I remember feeling good, that strangers could just meet and talk. /1
Their conversation went on for a while, eventually I tuned out. At some point it was clear the conversation had run its course. Silence--not awkward, just us all sitting on this plane, which would be in the air for the next 8hrs. Then Nana Karen broke the silence. /2
"I don't know what all those black people are still mad about." Unprovoked. Out of nowhere. I've never forgotten how jarring that moment was. My dad and I looked at each other. For a few minutes I was convinced I must have heard her wrong. Now the silence was awkward. /3
After an hour, my unease hadn't subsided. I stopped whatever I was doing and leaned over to my dad. I whispered, "Are people still really like that?" My dad made that
face, shrugged--not out of indifference, he just didn't know what to say--and hugged me. /4
face, shrugged--not out of indifference, he just didn't know what to say--and hugged me. /4
I'm visibly mixed (Italian/Latinx), most people assume I'm 'Mexican,' and the same for my dad. Nana Karen was of course white. We had to sit next to this woman for 7 more hours, and I was honestly scared for a lot of it. I don't know why, it wasn't like she could do anything. /5
I realize that I wasn't scared of Nana Karen. I was scared that people could allow themselves to do the wrong thing without a care in the world, for no reason, other than THAT is was makes them feel comfortable. Nana Karen was comfortable in her racism. That scared me. /6
After that, I couldn't unsee day-to-day racism. Being from Canada, we have what I'll call a Nazi-lite history with how Aboriginal (apologies if that's not the most accurate term) folks have been treated. We were 'above' slavery, but forced sterilization was cool apparently. /7
I haven't written all that as some sob story or 'what have we become' diatribe. My point is the comfort and safety Nana Karen felt in her racism was not random. I didn't know how truly fucked the situation was (I was still a teenager), but I knew this was not new for her. /8
Nana Karen and every racist like her can only learn from shame. I was a 'stubborn' child, a 'difficult' teenager, and now I'm an 'abrasive' woman, because I don't let shit like that slide anymore. I call out people anytime I hear bullshit like what Nana Karen dumped on us. /9
I won't pretend I do so without fear of retaliation. But nothing stings like choosing indifference, inaction, or apathy over doing the right thing. I couldn't live like that anymore. So how do you go about confronting people who are being scum without risking your safety? /10
First off, calling scumbags out should not be left to the victims. Ever. Again, I'm visibly mixed, but I pass enough to benefit from privilege. I'm small, there is literally nothing threatening about me visually. It's important to recognize when you benefit from privilege. /11
'Hey pal,' 'Uh, buddy,' 'Excuse me,' and simply 'HEY,' are all my go-tos. Confrontational, but otherwise nothing specific. 'Everything alright here?' is what I say next when I'm somewhere safe (ie. indoors, around people), but that statement is more confrontational. /12
If I'm really uncertain for my own safety, the next best step is to ignore the scumbag; deflate their presence. Look directly and only at the victim. 'You alright?' 'Everything okay?' Everyone always says, 'Yeah,' but I stay with them unless they insist otherwise. /13
'I wasn't doing anything,' 'Mind your own business,' 'Everything's fine,' and 'Fuck off,' are usually what the scumbag will say, unprovoked. Depending on the situation, I'll walk fucking anywhere else with the victim and stay with them until they say they're good. /14
If the scumbag is defensive, I respond with, 'Great,' 'Cool,' Awesome,' but I tend to have a 'then kindly fuck off' cadence to how I'm speaking. 80% of scumbags get the message. (Fun fact: this applies to customer service, too, don't be afraid to laugh at Karens). /15
Now that 20% of scumbags is where you need to be careful. 10% will insist they really didn't do anything wrong, to the point where they will not back off. This is when I get stern and go, 'Good, then you need to stop now.' And I repeat that until they fuck off. Always works. /16
The last 10% are the scumbags are just bullies. They'll get in your face, they might come into physical contact with you. DO NOT GET INTO A FIGHT WITH THESE PEOPLE, THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A REASON. Never get sucked into their bullshit. No matter what they say to you. /17
That last 10% is dangerous. Again, I'm a small woman, so I will just raise my voice. Whatever I say next, which is usually some form of, 'Enough,' I need to say loudly so people will be alerted. Fuck it, call it a Reverse-Karen. 'Are you threatening me?' is for emergencies. /18
Do not run, do not shrink into yourself, do not give scumbags any reason to think they'll somehow get away with their actions and not have to think about them. Walk away with the victim, if you're outside try to dip into a coffee shop or something. /19
If you're still with the person, ask again if they're okay. Then, unless they say otherwise, leave them be. You call yourself an ally? Then use your privilege for good, folks. Don't ever let apathy be your default. Indifference in the face of hate is what destroys us all. /20
Lastly, I believe we all, at some point, are coming from a good place. Most of us don't start our day hoping to ruin a life. 90% of scumbags are kids who picked up fucked up habits and grew up never being told otherwise. Racism, like addiction, is a habit--one that kills. /21
A racist--any kind of hate-spewing fuckwad--is someone in need of an intervention. Like all interventions, the addict is likely not going to listen unless they have some kind of connection to you. For social biases, that comes from one privileged person confronting another. /22
