Not an idiot you say? Hmm

Spent a year pretending to be Juan somebody or other trying to avoid me on Twitter. Spoiler, it didn't work. Spent 2 weeks in our loft dressed as friggin Rambo fighting a family of squirrels. Shall I go on? https://twitter.com/scottylar/status/1265177791701692419

Almost severed your thumb opening a tin of corned beef. You know our neighbour who you've repeatedly called Claire for the past 3 years? Well her names Sarah and she's too polite to correct you. Do you not recall the underscore incident either? It's a good job I love you

You OK babes? I just heard you yell What the f*** from upstairs