This is just brutal. I am about to hopen one of the threads that makes me the the most vulnerable.

Welcome to this chapter: My Masturbation addiction.

I have known for the past decade that I am a masturbation addict. But I hadn’t really dug into how awful this addiction is.

I haven’t really stopped to think about the fact that it is something that I do on the daily, Having only a rest when I am totally tired.

I have been capable to understand how the porn industry is trying to get people into watching them every second of the day, but you never really stop to think about the effects of watching this until the moment you are not capable to function in the real act.

I am really ashamed to share this.

I have been an addict for the past decade, clearly starting with a low use until today’s levels, Which are doing it daily and watching it daily

And I have also had days in which I can see that doing this has affected me when I am on the real act. But last night it was really shocking.

not really last night, The past few months...

The fact that I decided once in April to masturbate without the help of the visuals and it took me more than one hour and a half really shocked me.

and the nights that I have tried not to use the visual help, I just can’t sleep until three or four in the morning.

Honestly. I don’t know what to do. Last night I really, REALLY tried to be strong and avoid going there, watching porn on either platform I have available, but I ended giving up, because it was 4am already and I had to wake up 2 hours after for a class.

I really think I have to seek help, but the actual timing doesn’t help. I can’t cover paying for something like this in the near future thanks to being greedy on my project, and based on the fact that the money in my house is not going to be at its best for the next months.

And yes, I mean going to therapy. I just really remember times in which my mom’s felt she needs to go to therapy but can’t afford it. Even though they have payed it for me. It really breaks my heart.

Also, the thought of the ppl from my country, to think that going to therapy is getting marked, and losing jobs because ppl will comment you have a mental issue, or think you are not capable of doing stuff, really hurts as well

Because either you pay quite some money for a professional to help you out, and you do it in silence and without a soul knowing, Or you stay home doing meditation and hoping you don’t come to a day in which you actually commit suicide

But I got lost on the way.

My masturbation addiction started when I was really young, and it just started as a porn addiction. I watched porn in cafés because I had nothing better to do.
It was a form of spending time, and watching this was exciting...

Because, as humans, we want to find out every detail about those things we don’t know.

Clearly I didn’t know this was going to grow as big as the addiction it is now. And it transformed into a masturbation addiction after I saw a man masturbating in a porno.

I really hadn’t even come to the thought of doing that with my own body. I thought you just needed someone else to have this weird and unknown pleasure.

And this also comes to my mind as one of the things I shouldn’t had discovered that way, and marked me in a bad way.

Yeah. Let’s continue this thread now that I’m being open about this.
Masturbation addiction has really rooted within me, and I don’t know how to handle it now.
My sexual life, from the begining, has been a constant “I’m sorry I take too long to finish”

And that is not okay.
I don’t mean to say I want to finish very quickly. But I think I really yake too long to cum, and I don’t really feel much pleasure with a mouth in my dick or even an anus